Fog City Coaster continues

[FlyOnTheWall]

So your obviously waiting for a reply? I hope you get one, have you thought of what your going to do if you don't get one? just curious.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

If I don't get a reply, I will wait some time and send something similar. Maybe another week.

The text does not ask a question, so she may not respond. She has responded to these kinds of texts before during our separation. Responses come more often than not. But not always.

The last time we got together 3 weeks ago I sent "I love red wine". Got a text the next day and we ended up having dinner together.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

So I am going to journal about the roller coaster of emotions that I am feeling right now.. Mostly so I come back here read about what I am going thru and hopefully that will help me out in the future... So listen up future me

I sent the text above yesterday afternoon and have not received a response yet. If I get a response, it typically comes within 24 hours. Based on past interactions it is not necessarily something to get worked up about. Unanswered texts pass and then a few days later w will contact me about something unrelated.

Based on the amount of contact I have had with w throughout our separation, nothing is really that unusual right now. But for some reason it feels different. I can't really put my finger on in and I don't even know if it is just where I am at. Tough work schedule has made life otherwise difficult.

My gut says that w is pulling away (we have been in more frequent contact recently), and that there is something going on with her that is different from 3 or 4 weeks ago. Maybe she made a decision that we shouldnt be hanging out; maybe she found someone else; maybe she is happy now without me; maybe she is sad and needs me to figure out what to do because she can't communicate it to me... I can hear Labug right now telling me that is her journey and I can't fix her.

I am struggling because the general advice if she is pulling away is to give space. And of course I should work on me. But then I go back to 25s post .... My interpretation is that I never pursued and maybe that is what I need to do... Be there for my w and try to take care of her. W said that is what she wants from "someone"

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Still no response from w. At this point she likely won't respond to that text. .. I am not sure if I should attempt to contact her again in a few days or if I should just wait and see if she contacts me...

[FlyOnTheWall]

So what you have planned for the weekend 2?

[JayMan]

2nd - I think you're really over-thinking a text. You sent something that was sweet, but not ridiculously romantic like "I can't stop thinking about you".

To follow up on Fly, what are you going to do on a Friday night instead of moon around waiting on a random text?

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Home with sick D16 ... We'll watch some movies or something... Excitement. it's my week with the kids so Xw1 got to go with s14 to football while get the the sick one ....

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Last night D16 ended up wanting to do her own thing and she wasn't so sick that I couldn't leave her so I went over to a friends house drank a few beers and caught up on "The Walking Dead".

So I am curious about people's thoughts on the following.

Last night I spent time with a female friend of mine who I dated early on in my sitch. We called it off in early July (if my memory serves me) and decided to just be friends.

Flash back to Early April.

At this time in my situation I felt like W and I had very little hope of reconciliation. I was gonna move on, be happy, and live my life. I took the warp speed path to detachment. I did still hold on to a sliver of hope and remained in contact with w (I was doing that texting thing), but mostly I was living my life. My thinking at the time was that I was gonna date and possibly meet someone who would be a better match for me. After all, w had told me in no uncertain terms that she was completely done.

My thinking on this has since changed. I still need to make some serious changes to me before I am ready for any relationship.

It was early July that w agreed to go to Las Vegas with me (didn't happen) and that was the time I took a seat on the emotional roller coaster that I am on now. Hope grows and shrinks and I have a hard time controlling expectations.... Detaching, while still wanting to be with w and believing it is possible, is something I have yet to master.

Flash forward to the present.

I have remained friends with a woman who I dated since BD and I have made friends with her friends. We are really are just friends now. She dates other people and I give her advice etc. Nonetheless, if w and I decided to work on the M, I would likely need to cut this woman out of my life; I wouldn't want w to hang out with people she dated while we were separated. Btw, w has no idea what I am doing or who I am with, just like I have no idea what she is doing.

It is tough to cut a friend out of your life. As more time goes by it will be even harder. If w and I don't R, then I have no reason to cut off this friendship. Right now I am feeling very little hope for w and I.

[adinva]

Lots of married people have friendships with people they used to date. They just incorporate the spouse into the circle of friends and hang out together. If that's a problem, then the spouse comes first. Why don't you cross that bridge when you come to it? Be friends if you're friends. Life goes on while you're separated, it's just a fact of life that you'll have made new friends.

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Went out with friends again last night. Had fun.

I am thinking about asking my w if she is in town today. Possibly ask her to have drinks or dinner. I did this one time before and we ended up having dinner a few days later. Usually she initiates if she wants to see me, but it has been almost 4 weeks now since we have seen each other.

She ignored my last text that didn't really require a response. It has been almost 2 weeks of no contact except the text that I sent.

Almost all of my interactions with w are positive, they are just rare. My other option is to just wait it out.

I continue to do things for me and just live my life. I just don't know what to do in my situation with w.