Just updating, for anyone who is interested. H is back and forth on being nice and saying he wants to work things out and still have feelings for me, to being downright distant and just plain abusive. The things he says and does would get even the db people asking me to please just leave him.
Something inside of me has died.
Today, while our son was being circumcised, we were in an office where the wallpaper was of a beach with Palm trees. I started looking at it and pictured my two boys playing and laughing by the water. H was not in that picture. I guess what I'm trying to say is that my new happy place does not include him and I'm braving to see my future without him.
