Intro - hoping for support/advice on DBing

[melissag]

Thanks, guys. My plan if/when anyone asks me about this (other than the few good friends who are my rock!) is to say I'd rather not discuss. Or, "that's between me and H" or something like that. I am still working on what exactly to say that doesn't sound rude. I am sure his sister and I can talk about other things like we always have.

I already made the mistake of telling my parents too much (at the beginning). I have had to tell them to back off and not say a bad word about H to me (they loved him until the minute they saw me upset) . . . my Mom even ripped off a nasty email to him (oyyyy!). I think they are calmed down a bit now, but there is work to be done there - I just can't deal with it right now, because I have bigger fish to fry. For now I am just going to make sure they aren't in the same place at the same time.

OK, PM, your post was exactly what I needed - you're right, I said it. Now I have to do it. Got it.

Would love some feedback on a situation that I know is coming up. I am trying really hard not to be selfish, petty or controlling, but I am not always 100% at detecting when my thoughts are those things (I'm still upset he took the nice dishes!) - so please help me out here.

H's brother is getting married in a few weeks. The wedding is on a Saturday afternoon. There is of course a rehearsal dinner on Friday night. We were obviously all planning to go - the trip has been all arranged and paid for for months. H has mentioned once that it is important to him to still bring the kids. OK, I get that. Yes. Here are my issues: (aka here I go being selfish and petty)

(1) We were planning to go Friday - Sunday. A few weeks before BD, I changed it to Thursday (the kids will miss a day of school) because I thought it would be fun for H to have more time with his siblings and there were some fun touristy things I wanted to do with the kids (with H, or without, if he had other plans) in the city where the wedding is. Well, now that I am not going, no, I do not want them to miss another day of school. It was fine in my head to do that for a family trip, but it's not that now. (There will still be time to spend with H's family - what I meant was, we were making it into a trip for our little family as well.)

(2) I don't want him to take the kids for three nights. That is going to be hard on me, and probably on them. I have taken the kids on trips before solo, but H never has.

(3) Let's just get real here - I am just plain jealous that I don't get to go on this trip! I planned it, I was excited for it, and now I guess H gets to enjoy it with the kids and without me. H doesn't even like to travel, really - I'm the one who gets all excited about trips.

OK, as I am writing, I think I know I need to just let him take them and take them for all three nights, and just work out my petty, selfish thoughts on my own. I was considering agreeing that he can take them, but make it only two nights - or is that just me being controlling and bitchy?

Go ahead and tell the truth, I can take it.