DARK - how do you do it right? I need help BADLY

[DTM]

S4TK - thanks brother. I know I'm not alone out there and it's good to see other guys standing by their marriages....as tough as it is.

The one thing that I know my W wants that she feels she isn't getting is "absolute expectationless space" - I made that up..but it fits. I give her plenty of space, we hardly have a conversation anymore, we sometimes sit separately at our childrens events, I hardly ask questions and moved simply to logistical (food shopping, bills, or kid related questions) I've moved to the spare bedroom, etc etc. We still share meal time and do on occasion eat out with our kids but it's nothing like a couple anymore.

I've heard her say that on the few weekly occasions where I might touch her shoulder, get a quick hug, or run my hand through her hair to say goodbye or etc (a distant attempt by me to still show I love her) she thinks I EXPECT something in return and that IF she were to give me anything even remotely resembling LOVE that I would take it the wrong way and think she is softening up. I've been without my W's love for 5 months and almost 10 months since I found out about her EA/PA with her girl...trust me I don't have any expectations anymore (and I've told her this).
The toughest thing for me to do is to act like I don't care or love her...and God forbid, treat her like she is treating me. It may be the very thing that needs to be done but I don't seem to have the capacity to treat her like that. Maybe if I did she would 'miss me'...I don't know.

I do know that I'm not as depressed as I was just a short time ago and I do recognize that as each week goes by I am able to give more space and less pressure...but I find myself backsliding often with just the a simple glance at her knowing she "doesn't love me" or when I think about how she is just stalling for time.

I also recognize that if I don't get my ass in gear and show 100% patience and space that I am going to push her right out the door come time she gets state residency in January...so I know I have work to do and I need to dicipline myself to sticking to what I've read and learned and stop trying to "fix it". The best thing I can do is be her friend and SHE needs to see it and believe it by January or I can pretty much guarantee she'll file.


Time is ticking.

Best wishes to you brother - I'm probably not the guy to come to for advice but if you need someone to talk to I'm here.