Do you have 50-50 custody? Why were you not designated as the primary household? That seems strange to me, since your D was raised in your home it's natural that since you're remaining there it would be designated as your D's household so she could continue going to school in the same district. That was about a 30 second discussion with my W before she moved out, it was a no-brainer. Now that you've given that up it's going to be tough to get it back. Have you talked to your L about your chances?
We're not divorced yet, just in the preliminary stages. As of the last 12 months, we have been sharing 50/50 parenting. Daughter has been in the same school district the entire time. My attorney, judging from some of the discussions that W and I have had in regards to her instability to choose a home and her threats to move daughter out of the country, decided it was in my daughters best interest to file for a temporary parenting order. Up until this point, the parenting plan has just been a verbal understanding between wife and I. I had that exact verbal agreement written into my request for dissolution when I filed. Since I filed, Wife (almost a year later) has mentioned that she would like to change the parenting plan to give her more time with daughter and less time for me. Personally, I feel W is thinking selfishly, considering residence to be the same as "ownership" of our daughter. I don't believe she is making all the best choices for our daughters well-being.
Perhaps that is based on the excellent schools and community my daughter and I live in. If we were located in Detroit or Compton, perhaps my views would be different.
Wow. That's pretty judgmental.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
You can call it judgmental, but I see it differently. It's a known fact that the crime rates are CONSIDERABLY higher in those cities than almost any other place in the United states. The violent crime rate in Detroit is something like 1 in 45. The chances of being a victim in our town is 1 in 550. There have been 2 murders that I am aware of in the last 35 years here. Granted, our population is below 15,000, but I will still take my chances with that number. Our educational plan is EXCELLENT, with a very high rate of students going on to receive a post secondary education. Cities like Detroit and Compton have an extremely high drop out rate and very low comparative scores in the national assessment. The Detroit school board president is illiterate, literally! The median yearly income in Compton is something like 1/3 of the national average. I don't think that is being judgmental. I think that is being wide eyed and aware of the world around me. I prefer to live in MY town, and I would like my daughter to be raised here as well. When she is old enough to make her own decisions, perhaps she would choose to live elsewhere. It is a choice we all have to make.
Well, LA.... I will definitely argue the importance of having the stability of a long term pier group and connection to a community. If you feel it is in a Childs best interest to uproot them, pull them away from their friends, school curriculum, teachers, school and community activities, then we will have to simply agree to disagree. I see it very differently. Perhaps that is based on the excellent schools and community my daughter and I live in. If we were located in Detroit or Compton, perhaps my views would be different.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I didn't say any of that SP, (responding to the above) You have a way of taking conversations where you want them to go, not really hearing what the other person is saying. Me saying I think moving can have different effects on different people turned into this "If you feel it is in a Childs best interest to uproot them, pull them away from their friends, school curriculum, teachers, school and community activities" Your W moving has turned into she's going to drag D all over creation.
You don't know that's going to happen.
Life circumstances change all the time, they can be good or bad or neutral, most of that is up to us.
I think my suggestion was that you have a conversation with W, before you fire the first shot across the bow.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I just don't see the stability in the home. I don't see the stability in W's decision making to include daughter in the relationship that W has chosen. I don't feel that daughter is being set as priority one. I believe WIFE is priority one, and her actions represent that. Therefore, I WILL fight for primary household. I don't wish to take any time away from wife. I feel it is extremely important for daughter to be connected to both parents, and she is. I feel whole heartedly that keeping daughter in the home, school and community she has been accustomed to is in her best interest.
Good.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
We're not divorced yet, just in the preliminary stages. As of the last 12 months, we have been sharing 50/50 parenting. Daughter has been in the same school district the entire time.
Gotcha, I misunderstood. I thought you said D had moved into a different school every time your W moved.
Based on what you described about your W moving, it sounds like she just hasn't settled into a permanent spot yet. But it sounds like once she moves into OM's house then that is more permanent. That said, I would by all means push to keep your home as D's "primary residence" to ensure that she stays in the same school whether W moves or not. I do agree with you that kids go through enough hell in these sitches as it is, they shouldn't have to deal with changing schools too. Changing schools isn't the end of the world, but it is another change at a time kids are being subjected to more changes than they can handle.
Quote:
Personally, I feel W is thinking selfishly, considering residence to be the same as "ownership" of our daughter. I don't believe she is making all the best choices for our daughters well-being.
Seems like you always assume the worst regarding your W and do what you can to craft your words to turn her into the villain. Truthfully you don't know what she's thinking or why. Maybe she just misses D and wants to spend more time with her.
