My friends, I have been struggling with some stuff lately.
I have been feeling that I am not helping much on here.
And as this place is important to me, I needed to figure out why I was feeling this way.
I have spoken about how this forum has changed. It used to be a place where things were said out loud with honesty and without fear.
Ideas were shared, 2 x 4s were thrown, things were hashed out, debates happened and also there was a great deal of fun, too.
There is still a lot of that. But, there is also the fear of saying something that may hurt someone's feelings. And so, there is a pulling back of things that need to be said.
I am not at all advocating that people's feelings shouldnt be taken into account because they absolutely should be.
But this is too important. The people on here are too important for there not to some truthful, real stuff being written.
When I was stuck, my friends got me unstuck. Sometimes in a way that was really hard. I got hit over the head so many times I saw stars. And I thank God for it.
I wouldnt have wanted it any other way.
I wouldnt have made it through without the help of some very special people who wouldnt give up on me. People who challenged me and smacked my hand and pushed me forward.
So, I got to thinking about how I was feeling lately regrding posting here.
I am gentle when I post. I like that I am. But a friend brought it to my attention that maybe that is seen at times as me feeling you should be sitting still and waiting and not doing the work.
He toldl me that I dont always let you see me.
That struck a cord. So, I had to look at it. I am someone who is a people pleaser.
But that doesnt always serve you or me well.
So, I apologize if I have not always said what needed saying.
Because the truth in all this is that this $hit is hard. And looking inside and doing the work is hard. And sometimes you just have to suck it up. Sometimes you have to say f it.
Sometimes you have to get hit with a 2 x 4 in order to move forward.
But know this. I care a great deal about you all. I care what happens. And I promise to be brutally honest when I need to be.
I want you to see me. That is important. Not just the gentle me, but the kick as$ me, too.
