Fly - You are totally right. My advice was not clear. I really was just trying to say that you can move forward with your life and act as if without being a huge jerk towards your spouse. You can lovingly detached.
Ice - This totally [censored]! Unfortunately, your W does not see it right now and may never see how much pain and damage she has done. Come vent here or find a good therapist. Or set aside 10 minutes a day to cry, or yell or hit a punching bag to get it all out. Just make sure that it is not taking over your whole day so that you can work on your PMA. It will slowly start to get better.
