Your are giving her your entire playbook, there is not any mystery left. She needs to be able to miss you before theres any chance of R. Standing for your marriage doesn't mean share things she doesn't want from you right now.

Take the trip, don't tell her much about it. Your going on a trip, period!! Don't even think about bringing up your anniversary with what she's saying to you right now.

You have got to stop trying to convince her, show her, tell her how you feel. Make your changes, she might notice she might not, but make those changes for you, cause u need to make them anyways.

Its ok to backslide occasionally, its gonna happen, but you really need to get into a mindset that you ARE going to stick to the plan!!! You need to limit those mistakes to ZERO over time.
Don't say things like you don't have expectations but have hope ?? Your setting yourself up as a doormat. She has to get to a point that she thinks she might lose you. Right now with what your doing, all your saying is keep living your life, i'll be here for you. That's not attractive.

Stop trying to think what she might be thinking, cause A. you have no clue, B. Theres nothing you can do about it anyways but lose focus on your own goals.

Make yourself a list. What would you like to change about yourself, what can you be doing better?
GET TO WORK, focus on your kids, be the best damn dad you can. Get out of the house. Find a new hobby, or start a new one. Take a cooking class, or a dance class. Try not to be "home" so much while your wife is there. But always come home with a smile on your face. Rearrange the furniture in the bedroom you sleep in.
Fake it till you make it, you and I know a lot of what you will be doing is a total façade for a while. But you need to get on the horse and show your willing to ride off into the sunset.

These things tend to take at least a year if not 2 to play out one way or the other. Right now, your playing into a fixed deck and your showing your cards. We all think/thought our spouses were incapable of such actions, yet here we are. Its time you make some changes too, but be positive, supportive, and let your wife go in a loving way. You are really going to have to learn some patience with yourself. The patience and the detachment are absolutely the hardest things to adjust too.

Tell yourself right now, out loud, I CAN DO THIS. Tell yourself everyday that. When you let your mind take over, and start over thinking things, break that list out you made, read it over and over until you pull yourself out of that funk and get back to the I CAN DO THIS. You need to get those emotions in check. It takes work, it takes time, is your wife worth making those changes in yourself?