T, when I was in IC my C taught me that there are 3 levels of communication- child, parent, adult. If you're having a conversation with a coworker, it's adult-adult. If you're chewing your kid out it's parent-child. What shocked me about this revelation was to realize that when W and I argued (as rare as it was), I nearly always went to parent mode and she to child. As a result, our arguments solved nothing but created a lot of resentment in W because I wasn't treating her with respect.
I see some of that parent-child in your above conversation, actually it's more like parent-parent because you and your W were both trying to make the "I'm reasonable and you're not so you need to do it my way" argument. The two of you are going to have many, many negotiations in the future. Learn to do it without turning it into a fight. Keep in mind that neither side really gets 100% of what THEY want in a negotiation, it's all about finding a middle ground that both sides can be happy with. You give some, you take some. That's how it works.
Was your W's request really that unreasonable? Was it really going to totally wreck your Christmas to give her some extra time? Or is it just a minor inconvenience that you can adjust to? Try to consider these questions without letting your emotions take over. Call your W, apologize to her and work something out peacefully.
BTW, once I learned about the above I was able to spot my "parent" mode before it happened in all future convos and stop it in its tracks. What I have found is when I stay in "adult" mode, my wife does too and we have great conversations and peaceful negotations. It's been a big 180 for me.
