THINK LIKE HARE MOVE LIKE A TORTOISE

[Ambivalent]

You are SO right Mr. Bond.

I'm under control now. I got out all my negative thoughts, my obsessing over something I can not win over. Not that I want to win at anything...I mean it does no good. Do I want to be right or do I want a closer R ?

I am too tired to think anymore. And perhaps the more I weight train the more exhausted I'll be, and not be able to think.

I am going to focus on anything but us/him. It does me no good , it actually is harming me. I used to be such a strong , confident , empathetic, loving, and humorous woman. I used to like me.
I have issues and had issues. I worked on them and am working still, but I can't take this perseverating anymore.

If I have to just be alone, and quiet, then this is what I'll do. Trying to fit what he thinks he wants right now is spinning my wheels.
He is unhappy, and nothing will improve that, I've known it all along. It is something I learned from my parent's divorce.

I always knew my issues were mine to work on, and my happiness is mine to celebrate or increase. He hasn't learned this yet.
He's getting closer through his periods of introspection, but if he's horny and needs physical contact, he should have that too. If he's seeking it, it will come, and then he can think about what he wants.

I'm a mommy figure right now, THAT is something I can change. Although, I've been working on that from Summer to now, perhaps there is something I'm missing.

I'm working on loosening up, but one can only go so far. I was not a drinker, now I'm having martinis and wine.

I dressed in my gardening clothes or school clothes ( uniform ) and now, I am back to my stylish self. Feels good.

I always wore makeup and did my hair, that I'm keeping

So , I'm just going to be quiet. If I achieve this.... THAT would be a HUGE change! Ha!