"You're My Best Friend"

[reachingHigher]

Oh my! I sure wish I could've seen the look on your face when you seen the title of sons book! I've always been a space freak and used to build and fly model rockets.

I was shocked, for sure! My H and I and when S20 was 4 years old got a special pass to see the space shuttle launch from quite close. Exhilarating experience!

Regarding the party girls: Wow... girls sure can be catty! I don't know how you all deal with that crap. I'm sure glad us guys don't operate that way. Kudos to you for remaining cool and confident and handling yourself so well.

Thanks FY. I really struggled at times. At one point, towards the end of the event, I sat on a couch and looked at my phone as if I had important messages. Then I journaled in my notes these girls are driving my batsh!t...but I'll be okay and similar. It helped me get through the awkwardness of being there.

I'm so happy to hear H kept his drinking in check AND talked to his buddies about his new resolve!

I liked this too!

Also that H is being so affectionate with you in public. How sweet it is to be loved by you. (was I right?)

Yes, you were right

There are many great JT songs.

agreed!

I hope he eventually dumps them and forms new healthier relationships with you as a couple. His drinking habits and the people ( women ) seem to me as a bunch of losers. Yes that was harsh, but from the reading, and the age , it seems as if you two would be best served with some new acquaintances.

I totally agree! And it's not harsh. I told H days later that it did bother me how they acted. I said that I realized that is how they are choosing to act...not me.

We have been looking for some new friends...occasionally we stumble upon some. I think the problem is that my H needs to progress more through acceptance. He still is stuck on the drinking and I think that is b/c his self-confidence isn't strong enough.

For example, on FB, he often puts a pic of his drink and then the place where he is. It's still his identity, his blankie.

Until he grows up and doesn't need it that way, I don't think he will be confident enough to make the friends we need.

Good for you with the acting "as if" at these functions. Hopefully they will become fewer and further apart. Are there any new sports or activities you both could do with a couples meet-up group?

Thank you. And they are fewer and farther between. The MC wanted that too. So far....no interests from H in sports. We talked about country-western dancing lessons as a possibility. I could push that maybe this next month or two.

I also told him I wanted to have a small Christmas party with some of his friends. He said the other day, I just wouldn't know who to invite. So I said that maybe we could just invite one couple for a dinner party. He felt very comfortable with that, so maybe we will go with that.

You give me hope...hang in there. OOOO's

So glad!

Hi, just dropped by to catch up a bit.

Great to hear from you, bug! I saw you were in piecing and couldn't be happier for you!

Sorry to hear that H's drinking is still a fly in the ointment or perhaps an even larger flying insect. Anxiety the day after drinking heavily isn't uncommon especially in people who suffer from anxiety-like those who feel they need alcohol to deal with their social anxiety. It's a dog that chases its tail.

True, true. So far this week, he has been controlling his intake. It's just certain social situations that set him off. I hope he continues to work on this.

I'm hopeful the 2 of you can work through this or you can work through it as need be.

Thanks so much.

Best of luck.

Thanks for the update rH! I always love to read about any small challenges you still face, and how you "man" up to them (woman up to them?) and OVERCOME every time with your love, acceptance, poise and fabulous personality. Here's to hoping you never have to face any big challenges regarding your marriage ever again.

H said the same in MC. We will just continue to deal with the little things as the come up.

How funny about that astronaut book! Did anyone ask you why you looked so shocked?

No, but I physically felt my eyes widen!

As FY mentioned, women will always be catty. Especially women like these few, such as Cookout Girl, Sexy Lady, and that pretty one who has you blocked on FaceBook. The ones who, as your H described it, tried to "snag" him. Any woman who tries to snag a married man is the sort who would try to make the married man's spouse feel uncomfortable by insinuating they have secrets together.

This is so true. And I realized later that Cookout Girl knows that I knew about her provocative email. And there I am standing with her and my H!

Maybe she covered up her embarrassment by the little private joke?

I asked my H a coupla days later how his and her R was going. (Suggested by FY). H said that their R is "damaged" by the email incident. I asked him if he wished it hadn't happened and he said no, it's fine like the damage was probably a good thing but he still didn't like it.

I am sure you make THEM feel jealous and insecure by your beauty and poise. All the rest of H's friends accept you as his wife, and have befriended you on that basis. Just continue to ignore those POS and be your fabulous self rH. YOU know who H is going home with. And what will happen when you get there lol

You crack me up! And yes, this is a good thing to remember.

And how great that he is reining in his own drinking.

Last night he went out with a guy friend and had only two beers and watched a college football game at a sports bar. Funny, how your mind always expects the worst! But he is doing what he said he would do.


Boy that man has changed, and it gives all of us such hope for our own futures. Love you rH! Thanks for sticking with us here on MLC.

I feel like you are all friends that have stuck through thick and thin. It's a great place to be supported!

The merger of his two lives is great. I am impressed with the direction he is headed.

It hasn't been so long for him really! I need to be more patient and not expect overnight changes!

He shows how proud he is of you by taking you around this other woman and you not making a scene. You are the classy one they are not.

That's so sweet! I'm just a tomboy/country girl that has some pretty city clothes. But I don't think he would have brought me there if i would have even the least bit embarrassed him. I thought of some catty things to say back. So glad I didn't!

I just want to speak my .2 regarding the drinking and that is if someone has a problem, moderation does not solve the underlying problem it just covers it up.

I'm just now starting to really understand this. He drinks the way he does b/c he is not totally comfortable with who he is.

Being an alcoholic is not about drinking too much it is about why one drinks too much. He either needs program or therapy.

This is something I can't make him do. . And I do worry about him.

Best wishes and again I am so happy for the direction you guys are headed

Thanks for the good wishes, girl!

I totally second what RosaLinda said!!

You are handling those other women with such poise and class! I couldn't do it! Good for you! I know your H sees this, too, and realizes how much better you are...with your dignity and way that you hold yourself!

Believe me, I tried to make him proud of me! I even tried to remember to stand tall with good posture, lol!

It's a different feeling when you get dressed up to look good for your man, and when you get dressed up to look good for him and people who will be eyeing you critically!

Anyway, thanks for your post on my thread today about my sitch. When you have time, I responded to you over there.

Thanks so much, I read everything. You've got a good handle on reality for the present and hope for the future!

You have such wonderful insights into men like our H's....I truly appreciate every time that you make time to give me some uplifting!

Awww.....I only have the insight with the one man...amazing how they are so much alike!

HUGS!
~Ang

I totally agree with Ang here rH. What you posted on Ang's thread was EXTREMELY inspirational to me.

So glad....

I love the insight you now have and share with your own sitch. In fact I copied it so I can reread it over and over. It's so nice to hear all the pain and anguish you went through is now on the sunnier side and so hopeful. Thank you for sharing that perspective.

Really the only reason I'm on the sunnier side is that my H was willing to work through his issues. I shudder sometimes to remember the stranger/alien he was during the darker days of replay! It's so much different now.

Thanks so much for all the comments everybody!

H and I are continuing to do well. I still have a few fears here and there. Last night when he went out to a sports bar with a guy-friend, I SO much wanted to ask him if Cookout Girl met them there. No reason to think she did, but that has happened in the past.

But....I remembered about respecting him and so I didn't ask. And in the morning H gave me more details. He never said that it was any more than him and the guy friend but I just have to trust. It's hard getting over these lingering doubts and distrusts.

But I do feel my next job, in working on our R, is to continue to move forward with my positive changes and also learning to respect him and appreciate him more.

I almost had this tendency to think I was "better" than him b/c he was the one who left and I didn't. I stayed home and kept it together. I was there for him when he came back weeping. So I had a feeling I was better than him.

I'm not. We are just different. And there are things about me I needed to change too! So...now I can work on this concept....I can respect him for the fact he provides, for who he is, for who he is becoming, and for the care and devotion he gives to me and the boys.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In 2 1/2 weeks, his former drinking group of guys and gals are having a going-away party for one of them. He told me about it and said he wanted to go alone, if that's alright with you.

I said, of course!

But I really hate the idea. Those girls just hang on him and all. But you know, it would be so awkward for him to take me. All the rest are single with no BF's or GF's. So I understand.

And, plus, my H feels these people were there for him during a very bad time in his life. He looks at them as a support group. He enjoys the interaction with them and the attention from the girls. And it's not like I don't get plenty of attention from him, and of the right kind!

So...just another thing winding down from MLC. He said its a mini-reunion. I do need to be okay with it. He has been doing the right things in rconciliation. And he has not had something like this for a long time. I don't assume it will be late or anything. He said just a restaurant dinner, probably. I need to let it go. Just bad memories associated with that group for me. And I know the girls are clingy, catty, etc.