Where am I at?

[jp787]

The last post was off of my phone. I've found out that w is having second thoughts about leaving but not really telling me. I wrote her a note that basically lets her know what I have been learning and that if she does go ahead and leaves that she will not be able to walk back in and act like nothing happened. We will have to find out what killed the old marriage and that we will start a new one, but she will have to let me know she is all in and wanting to work.

I understand what your intent with the note was, yet the wording comes across as controlling (to me).

At this point I would suggest changing your focus, this is not easy. I would work on moving all of your energy to looking at yourself and seeing what you would like to change, discover who you want to be for you, for your S. Look at what parts of your last and current M didn’t work and what part you had in that.

Your emotions are driving you and that is why it is so difficult to do this, yet (imo) the best shot you have to become happy and maybe save this M. Let your W go, let her walk down her road and find her way. You need to be on your road and not hers. You need to focus on you.

Take time to eat, sleep and meditate or just breathe.
If you are not, I highly suggest finding a therapist for just you.
If you need medication for depression or anxiety, then take it. It won’t make it go away, but hopefully it will take the edge off so that you can live and concentrate.
Take time to find out who you are and want to be, what you want out of life and to make some changes, just for you. <<This has to happen and this is the perfect time for it to happen.

If your W moves out, it isn’t the end. For me, my W moving out saved us.

Find so way to curb your tongue, write it out, come post here, call a friend, talk into the wind.

Listen to your W, validate (like you did). Stop at that.
Read Sandi’s rules, then follow them the beat you can.
Keep posting here.