I let her know I was concerned, she seemed disinterested, so I went on to watch a football game on tv. Just noticed that she has turned off her light and is apparently going to sleep. I don't think she had a great day, but wasn't interested in sharing with me.
Couple things here... The first bold part, my W HATED it when I was concerned, she told me that it made her feel like I was her parent...and trust me, you don't want to do anything to add to THAT perception!
So from now on, skip the concern statement, just express it via "oh, I'm sorry you feel that way, hope you feel better soon" etc. They just don't want it from us. Seriously dude, you are getting a pre-training drill for having teenagers.
The second bold statement, sounds like you are still focusing and expecting her to be as she used to be, or is that as you are used to her being?...you're getting better, but it's still affecting you. You'll know you are getting there (that detachment goal) when that statement doesn't even occur to you. How you are used to her being is gone right now, and may never come back fully, so you have to look at your interactions with her from beginner's mind...the past is called the past because it has passed. use the theater of your mind to find new ways of re-framing your interactions...I used a housemate with issues, the cashier at the kwiky-mart, an unknown sister, etc to let me along.
All that said, I do see some great progress in you, so keep going...I'm over 2 years into this phase 2 and I promise, it is absolutely, completely worth it, regardless of outcome, if you do the work.
Promise.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
