The Male MLCer handles that emotion and power through spewing, and belittling (beat them into submission, and another example of how poorly most Men handle raw emotion)
So, Mach, how should us girls handle the control and manipulation from the boy MLC-ers?
Heather,
Let me put that in another way to you. If a friend did that to you, what would you do? It seems to me that the LBS become a wet noodle when faced with these antics and allow the MLCer to walk all over them because there are no boundaries! What is needed is to develop a backbone and state what actions/behaviors are not acceptable.
I remember that my MLCer started to spew very early on. I was not having it.
So, there I was, all 5 feet of me, and I said, in a clear, steady voice. "You can feel however you want. But, it is not ok to speak to me that way. So, in the future, if you choose to do that, I will leave the room."
So here's what I was questioning yesterday. I think I know how to voice it now!!!
Ok, so Rosa's hubby is having a convo via computer with RT. She walks in. She rants and raves, BUT that is NOT DB-ing??????
According to the above, anytime we stand up for ourselves, we are creating boundaries. Maybe not perfectly, but we are still telling them to knock it off.
My H is living with another woman in an apt I helped him rent. That's not acceptable to me. It's stupid disrespectful to me and his children since he's still married.
Why is NOT bringing up the OW in conversations with him appropriate. In setting boundaries, isn't that the healthy thing to do? "Hey, I know you are living with someone else while still being married. I'm not ok with that."
I don't get the fine print here.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
In Al-Anon, it's different. Maybe this is where I get stuck.
In my former self-actualization work in living and dealing with an alcoholic, it was a little more clear cut. It made more sense!!!
How is living with someone else NOT disrespectful? In Al-Anon, you break off ties completely if the person doesn't respect the boundaries you set.
We both made the decision to get married, so how come he gets to live with someone else? How is that HIS Choice, but talking on the phone or whatever with the OW in the house ok?
I really don't get the fine line.
It's like saying it's ok to have an affair because it's your choice, but just don't do it in front of me.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Bea, I've also wondered if H would love me better if I could whip up a bit of RT's nasty aggressiveness and bossiness, but like you, don't care to become a bully. Plus I asked H if he wanted me to act more like RT and demand he get his lazy ass off the couch and get a job. His answer was that he's not an easy person to live with, and my easy going nature is the only reason we've been able to stay together for 38 years. I guess that means no, but it doesn't stop him from being infatuated with RT's odious pushiness.
Just going backwards here to this post I wanted to say how I read this and thought about it.
You are acting like the pillar, stanchion that the LBS has as a role to play in this script. RT is the defective person to take care of your husband while he is in the MLC tunnel and defective himself. Your husband wants you to remain as the stanchion, pillar, he does not want you to be a defective RT. He already has that. So it is cake eating and YES you need boundaries to protect yourself. What will bring your husband out of his MLC? Probably TIME, boundaries, and more TIME.
This is all part of the PLAY, MR ROSA LINDA MLC MAN. Script.
