Really my roadmap was about how I was going to act, who I was going to be. I wanted to see that I had grown and changed. I wanted to see that I handled it with dignity and strength and that I did all that I could.
Ur,
This is exactly what I need to do for myself. I especially want to see myself maintain my dignity. I never want to be that girl who begged him to put our lives back together.
I want to be the woman who has the strength to do it herself.
You right, I am still soo hurt by this, I amaze myself just how much it has touched me. Even after all this time the hurt is so fresh in me still. That is something I need to look at about myself. He can't take it away for me, and I think I wanted nothing more than for him to do just that.
I have read and continue to read so many threads on this site, tho I have very little to offer, I can relate to so many stories.
I need a new story...I need to make my new chapter or I will not come out of this myself. I will be like my H, and all consumed for life by the pain and disappointment.
The change has to come from me! Just writing this is so hard. But, maybe that's good because I am not like my H, his MLC is threatening his life, and he is stuck.
I need to learn compassion for him as well, let go of the resentment. Soo much pain and resentment, for someone I loved wholeheartedly.
That's what's killing me. Hating him! Resenting him! Plotting his departure from my life...I just got that!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
