Confusion Reigns Part 4

[reachingHigher]

Hi Angela!

Yes, I heard the "not getting your hopes up" of course. And my H oft-repeated "too little, too late" as a mantra.

I loved the description of the doctor's appt. The nurse and doctor sounded so positive and helpful!

I, too, asked for an STD check last fall. So embarrassing. H saw it on the insurance bill. He asked me what the result was. That made me wonder even more what he was doing!

IMO, when your H is coming round like wanting to spend time with you and the kids, just don't focus on him. Have your other interests in your life active, and I think just act like he isn't a part of your life. He will join in as he feels comfortable.

Sometimes my H used to ask me about things so intensely that I thought for sure he wanted to do them with me. You have to stop short of inviting your H though, I think. I think I remember my DB coach saying that. I noticed my H started inviting himself as he felt able. Your H knows you still love him. It's not like he wonders if you want him around.

Or actually later on...sometimes I would ask my H if he wanted to join. But I always made it sound like an afterthought. Like "We are doing such-and-such." Oh, and didju wanna join us? (Family activities...not activities with me)

I think the main thing is for him not to feel you are focused on getting him back. My H and I talked a lot about that concept and he was very opposed to feeling like focus was on him. He wanted to come back home out of choice...not obligation!

About the housecleaning....what I would do when I wasn't sure if I was making a change for myself, or for him, is I would ask myself this question: if I was going to be going out dating...would I wear this? Would I want my house to look this way if I was bringing a new man home? Would I act this way if it was a brand new person?

That helped clarify some for me. If it wasn't my H in my life...how would I want ME to be?

I did slip back on a few of my changes when my H moved back home. But we had a lot to go through this year. And now I noticed myself once again moving through on some positive changes...for me. Even with him here. It feels so good.

Keep up the hope, the reading, the work, the prayers, the sanity.

You're doing great!

Hugs,
rH