In my sitch and all that I chose to follow closely on here, at one point or another they all wondered if the WAS was "crazy" or had mental issues. I even wondered that at times with my W.
But as far as I know, in every case that simply wasn't the reason.
I think the LBS initially doesn't realize the pain the WAS was feeling in the M. The pain they feel (real or not) is excruciating... so much so that they took a huge gamble to throw it all way and make a drastic move of leaving. I'm not saying that LBS is always right and the WAS is wrong, both contribute to the failure of a marriage. Usually the LBS is stunned and clueless that the WAS felt bad enough to leave so they want to blame it on some type of mental illness. And it's that exact complacency of the LBS that probably contributed to the failure of the marriage.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
Jon will be back later... it's Friday - aka "Coffee in Underwear Day".
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
Hey jon, just checking in with ya. I'm so glad you continue to post even when things are getting better. Don't stop posting like I did years ago, hence back here again...
Keep fighting the good fight.
ntx - crazy visual on that one! LOL!!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
@NTX - I know my W DID feel that pain. Add to that 5 years of physical abuse and serial adultery by her XH, and I'm sure that compounded on top of our own issues.
And no, it wasn't coffee and underwear day, but I wish it was! I actually started a new project so was onsite. W might come to D13's play tomorrow, but we even moved dinner back to Sunday.
@pud - thanks for checking in! I think I probably need more advice NOW than before; considering I could totally screw this up!
I think the LBS initially doesn't realize the pain the WAS was feeling in the M. The pain they feel (real or not) is excruciating... so much so that they took a huge gamble to throw it all way and make a drastic move of leaving. I'm not saying that LBS is always right and the WAS is wrong, both contribute to the failure of a marriage. Usually the LBS is stunned and clueless that the WAS felt bad enough to leave so they want to blame it on some type of mental illness. And it's that exact complacency of the LBS that probably contributed to the failure of the marriage.
Agree 200%
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I think the LBS initially doesn't realize the pain the WAS was feeling in the M. The pain they feel (real or not) is excruciating... so much so that they took a huge gamble to throw it all way and make a drastic move of leaving. I'm not saying that LBS is always right and the WAS is wrong, both contribute to the failure of a marriage. Usually the LBS is stunned and clueless that the WAS felt bad enough to leave so they want to blame it on some type of mental illness. And it's that exact complacency of the LBS that probably contributed to the failure of the marriage.
Agree 200%
That needs to be seen by every new person. Great post!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I think the LBS initially doesn't realize the pain the WAS was feeling in the M. The pain they feel (real or not) is excruciating... so much so that they took a huge gamble to throw it all way and make a drastic move of leaving.
Not to generalize or be offensive to women, but I think this is the reason that I thought I read where 70%+ of most WAS are women. They are typically much more dependent on the emotional health of a relationship than guys, and thus the emotional impact much greater. I think that "flipped switch" comes when they realize their emotions are going to drive them possibly literally crazy, so they just drop like a stone and go. (My opinion, and I'm not a professional) This is exactly how my W described her feelings: a "switch just flipped".
Oh, and p.s. I took a look at W cell phone bill; some part of me wondered if OM would try to text or call her. I saw a number where she texted a bunch back and forth. I asked her about it, and found out it was a mom for a friend of D10's, and W was coordinating a sleepover. I told W that unexplained numbers might make me uncomfortable for awhile, and if she would just be honest with me, I'd let it go. She handed me her phone, and said, "You can look at anything you want, I'm not deleting anything."
Also, today W texted me "Sent you a friend request".
She re-enabled her Facebook, blocked OM, changed her maiden name back to married name, sent me a friend request, and listed herself as married to me. This means all mutual friends to OM are now seeing it, so although FB in itself is pretty goofy, it's a pretty big "public outing".
Of course, upon looking at a picture of her from about 3 months ago, I saw where OM had "liked" it. This was before they had even met in person, but still... Just another step, I guess, and another crumb of the past to deal with.
Jon, why would you apologize for saying something you know is offensive and then go ahead and say it? If you have to apologize before you say something, there's your clue to NOT say it unless you have hard facts to back it up. And you don't.
How does that advance your case?
There can be many reasons why WASs are 70% women, if that's a fact.
What part of Ohio are you from?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
