DARK - how do you do it right? I need help BADLY

[DTM]

Well I had a few days off and tried not to be around the house too much. As I expected, my W said she rather enjoyed when I was on night shift..I guess she feels obligated or pressured somehow when I'm around, even though I don't do a darn thing with her.
I had a moment yesterday, my W was obviously in a depressed mood as we were taking our kids to a local pet store...I asked how she was feeling and received the usual response of her not be happy, feeling sick (she has lost a lot of weight, not sleeping well, etc...same thing I went through). I told her I understood how she must feel and explained to her how I went through the same feelings, depression, weight loss and sleeplessness and how I started my recovery from it, I offered anything I could do to help.
She responded with a "I don't want to be with you anymore" & "I don't want to live with you anymore". This was a little bit of a change from "let's be friends and live together" just a short time ago.
This led to a brief R discussion and I felt compelled to share Michelle's video on WAW...specifically I related to this video because it's extremely similar to our situation. She listened to it in the car and then started crying. I'm sure I didn't make any ground with that move but I'm so tired of watching an smart woman seemingly make the worst decision possible and not be willing to dig deep and understand that positive change and happiness is possible in our marriage.

I have been feeling worse than a total stranger, hardly speaking to the woman I love and doing my own thing and just spending time with our kids. I've been keeping busy. It's been about 4 months since my W has shown any resemblence of love towards me and since March that I found out about her EA/PA with her girlfriend.
My thought is that since my W doesn't yet have state residency that she might be waiting until January (6 months residency) to file, if she has the heart to do it. I will not file for D and I will not encourage her to do it either. If she wants it she can pursue it herself. I figure that gives me time to continue working on me and showing her friendship.
I don't know if that is the right way to feel or act.

I finished reading the 5LL and 5LL for children, I thought both books were excellent and only wish I had read them years ago. I did share both with my W and she commented that she thought it odd that all the sudden I'm reading all these books. As is said in Michelle's video - a man in my situation has made a profound change which is lasting - the only problem is getting the emotionally detached W to believe it and want to come back.

She is so far into the belief that once a woman is emotionally disconnected that there is ZERO chance of getting it back...even after 14 years of being together and two awesome, young kids. You would think I was a monster, adulterer or violent abusive husband the way she has cancelled me out of her heart.
I can only imagine that her EA with her girlfriend is still going strong and I'm going to have a serious tough time winning her back. At this point she loves her cell phone more than me.

Any support, words of wisdom and encouragement much appreciated.