Quarter Life Crisis?

[flgurl84]

Hi Sweet: thanks for posting I appreciate it. I feel like anyone 30-35 going through this can relate to my situation. It is hard to relate to the retired people for me. I still have to face my 8 hour work day and wonder if I will ever have a normal family life, like the one I lived. My parents stayed together, had me, no divorce no affairs no addictions no lies no abuse. Its very hard for me to accept that this is my life. Its true when they say you go through your own transition with your spouse. I am questioning all of my life decisions, mainly marrying Boo.

True Gritter: My Boo has always dealt with depression in some form or another, I can see that now. As a kid he was placed on meds for ADD and in therapy by his mom, while his dad was pulling him out of therapy and not properly giving him is ADD meds, feeling he didn't need them. He refuses any help now. He says he "made a promise not to do that to himself". His Aunt is a licensed psychologist and MIL has talked with her, and there is nothing any of us can do to encourage him to get treatment. He definitely knows he has a problem, but feels he can work through it. When this all started back in may, he used to just tell me "just give me some time, I need some time to get over it." Its only been 6 months since I was able to see the change in his personality, although looking back, the anger started awhile ago. But we still had fun, we were still intimate and he still contacted me during the day and came home like normal, so I didn't think anything of it. But now he is deep in replay, trying to soothe himself, by getting rid of all his stresses (house/bills/mortgage/me/dog and live a "simple life").
I think I have accepted I can't fix him, but it doesn't stop the hurt of seeing someone I thought I could always depend on, someone who was supposed to be my life partner, not want to be around me, not want to show me affection and not know if he wants me in his life. Actually, typing this is the first time I've cried in about a week or so. I am doing good. I feel good about myself again, and I am not blaming myself or think this has anything to do with me. Honestly, I vacillate from high to low self esteem in my life, always have. But I think I am on the High end right now. I am smart, attractive, funny, I have many talents and hobbies. I enjoy the things I enjoy and I don't need anyone to validate me.

Your questions: What are you prepared to do for your M if you are not guaranteed it can be saved?:
I having given myself a timeline of about a year. So Dec 2014, to DB my little heart out and stand by the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with, in a sense.

I will not be a complete doormat, but I am prepared to be just a friend, a good friend, to listen to him, validate him and act as if.
We have some debt that won't be paid until May 2014, he knows this. But then after the debt is paid, we still do not have much in savings. In fact, we have NONE in savings. Since he started the construction business, some weeks we get a paycheck, some weeks we don't. So we have been living off just me. JUST ME. I think this hurts his ego and causes him a lot of stress. Anyway...back to my plan. So even after May 2014, we will still need to save for a down payment on a house for me. A part of me truly doesn't believe he is going to go through with this, so I do not plan to push him, until my time line of Dec 2014 comes. Then I will say OK what are we doing here. You don't want to be with me, but yet you don't want to move on. SH*t or get off the pot! I do NOT plan on making any attempt to try to figure out how we are getting D, he wants it, he can figure this out. Now, I don't plan on blowing money, but it is very hard to pay all out bills, buy some food, GAL (while spending as little money as possible) and trying to save to get a house. So I am going to take it one step at a time. Right now, paying off bills is #1. Once that happens, We can start saving again, and depending on where we are as H&W it will either be saving for US, or saving for MY house.

WHY?: for one, I have to. Money is an issue. I also think money is causing so much of his stress. But that's for another post. I do not even have 1st last sec for an apt, and where would be best friend be? My Paw? You think I can rent an apt with a 125lb dobie?? Ha! I bet you I couldn't find a house that would let me rent from them! So I just need to stay put, b/c my Paw is my child, my BFF and he is my #1 right now.

for 2, I have this NAGGING feeling this will come around, and he will figure it out, we will get the money situation figured out and his stresses will be lifted and he will feel better about himself. Now I know he will have to face what he has done to me, and that will be the big challenge. But I feel like he knows in his heart, under all this bad stuff he is thinking, that he loves me. Yes, right now he needs to be alone, but way deep in there, he knows he can't live like that forever. But he isn't thinking long term. I am . I am not worried about this set of holidays or even next. I am thinking 5 year range. Will he really just want to be alone? I just can't give up on him yet. In a year I will evaluate that. And I am not interested in being with anyone else, although I do miss romance and intimacy, I want it with Boo. So even if we did D right now, I would plan to be alone for awhile. I am not completely alone right now. I have not cut him off from my world completely.

What also confirms his confusion: he has this great plan of getting rid of all his stressors and living alone, then why isn't he selling off our worldly possessions? We could be planning a tag sale, cleaning out house and garage (which are packed, Boo is a packrat just like his dad) we have a boat we should be selling (he drained savings to buy) We have tons of guns we could be selling...but nothing is moving. Yes he seems to have this urgency to be alone, but he has no urgency towards making it happen. Because he doesn't know what he wants. He knows he will be making a mistake, but I guess the thought of having no stress and only worrying about him and his room soothes him at this moment. I will let him think that that is a great plan, but like I said, no major steps have been made to get to it. He also commented how he has plans to bring in a lot of money next year from the business. FOR WHAT???? TO FURNISH YOUR ROOM???? Ugh. Or maybe to build his mountain house. I dunno. He dunno either!!
Ok that is all for now, still need to get ready for work!! BYE ALL and God Bless and thanks for the reads!