It is such a catch 22 - they want us to need them and appreciate them and on thr other hand they need space.
Before I found dbing, I would call H and he would be defensive and mean be cause I was intruding into his space. Noe i do not contact my H unless it is really necessary. And if I do, it is only about the kids or logistics. I usually send a text.
After H moved out he would email or text me about kid stuff. Overtime he has increased communication and now calls once a day. He has started to call about things unrelated to the kids/logistics. Although I don't contact him i make sure that I am very friendly and happy and supportive when we do talk. It has been working so far and h is reacting in a positive manner. If I know something big is going on with his job I will say something supportive in person . But when he is out of the house I really don't reach out and keep my expectations low as to if he contacts me. It has helped me to start detaching.
