You know J, if you really think about it and I think this is true for all of us, the old marriage wasnt perfect.

So, no matter which way this goes, you are being given the opportunity to figure out what kind of relationship you want moving forward. Whether it is with your wife or not.

I know it is so hard to wrap your mind around what she is going through.

For most MLCers, there was something traumatic that happened to them in their young life. Sometimes they lived without being given the tools or without learning the tools they needed
to be able to weather life's turmoils.

So, when they reach a milestone year or when something happens like a death of someone close, a crisis gets triggered.

And since they didnt learn the tools when they were younger on how to handle things.

They then need to go back and reconcile all that. They go through phases similar to the stages of grief. Not all of them go through every phase. Not all of them go in a specific order.
And they often go up and around and through them several times.

The hope is that they shut the door on each phase that they needed to reconcile until they come out of the tunnel finally.

That's why it is important for you to remember that there isnt anything you can do to hurry this along. And you dont want to because she needs to go through each part in order to come out whole.

This is something she has to do for her. And sometimes it includes reliving the teenage years that she didnt get to experience in a positive way.

The sooner you can detach and accept that she has to do this, the easier this can become for you.

She doesnt need you to fix it for her. In fact,that would cause more harm.

It is best for you to show with your actions that you hear what she is saying.

And give her the space and time she needs to work through each part.

That is your greatest gift to her.

I know it is tough to remember all that when she is acting like she is.

And I dont believe that MLC gives them a free pass. They are ultimately responsible for their actions.

But, she is struggling. And she feels as if she is swimming through mud.

She is trying to find something to ease the pain. Anything. And unfortunately, they start with the person closest to them. They think, if I can just get out of this marriage, then I'll be happy.

All of this stuff they do, are just bandaids. But she has to realize that on her own.

I can see how hard you are trying. I can see how much you want to do your best, be your best. Good on you, J.