Quarter Life Crisis?

[flgurl84]

Well, I will just keep posting until a vet sheds some of their light.
Having a good day today. My days keep getting better and better. My anxiety has lessened, but the sadness and loneliness is there. Boo and I used to have such fun, and I miss that! I miss laughing with him!

After seeing my past posts, I did not clearly explain his future plans. Our OR talk Sunday must have pushed him into withdrawing from me again. He left Sunday, came back Monday am to get work trailer and then didn't here from him until Tues evening. I guess not that long. Anyways...future plans are for him to get me a house, rent our house out for income or atleast to cover mortgage, build a house in NC mountains (how, IDK...with what funds? he has bad/low credit too) and rent that out for rental income and then rent a room....as in find some roomates I guess or someone who needs to sublet a room in their home....so yeah...strange. I have to laugh when I think about it. Boo has always been so driven, wanted to have the best of the best, loved building our home and adding to it with decks and landscape boxes etc..but now he will be satisfied with a room? Sounds like running from responsibilities to me.
I am actually almost relieved when I know he won't be home. Acting As If is very hard and draining. To put a smile on my face and actively listen to him talk, when I am reeling in my own head "why are you doing this, why don't you love me, why won't you come home?" I truly believe that I am starting to fall out of love with him, because he is so pathetic to me! I kind of like it! It makes the hurt almost non existent. It is such a relief to not WANT to be around him. If he does decided to come back to me, he will have to really put for effort to make me fall in love again.
When I walked Paw on Tues, I had a good talk with myself. I said that I missed food for one, I missed laughing and smiling and enjoying and I was tired of the headaches from crying. That I was going to be HAPPY! I feel like I found my inner happiness, the happiness that Boo and all our H/W's are trying to find in running and solitude and strange behavior. I feel enlightened. I am happy because I choose to be! It was such a good walk.
I also ate my first salad in a long time. Since I have no appetite, when I am hungry, I eat what I want. Lots of pasta, bread, mozzarella sticks. I haven't seen a green veg in a while...meanwhile my digestive system is finally calming down (the trots have finally subsided) but we all know what happens when there is no ruffage and lots of cheese...yeah. I need to take better care of myself. More water more exercise. More laughter at the little things.
I hope Boo can see my positive changes and makes them in himself too. I miss my friend. I miss my family.