RL: I meet with my counselor in person next week, hopefully. I can't wait. In the meantime, I have lots of "homework" from counselor to work on and study (mostly from Bible) and my Divorce Remedy book came Monday, so I've been reading that.
cat04:First, thank you for your valuable advice that comes from a lot of experience with this MLC stuff. I really appreciate that you take the time to help us on these boards. Thank you!
Quote:
Was it worth it? And yes I had an angry nasty spewer like you... For me, it was worth it. I grew. I changed. I learned so much about myself, inside and outside of my M. Reconciliation or not, the process is worth it. The work, is worth it. The process and the work, will help you to find your own answer if it is "worth it" or not...regardless of the decision you make regarding the status of your M. It is time to start valuing, loving, honoring, and respecting yourself a bit.
Thanks, cat04. I keep rereading these words you wrote. I am struggling with the need to know RIGHT NOW what's going to happen....I am struggling with the need to decide RIGHT NOW what I need to do...instead of just following the process.
I had my doctor appt yesterday to get checked for STD's, just in case. I've had this Dr for the past 16 years, since I became PG with my first child. He knows me pretty well. I gave him a brief overview of what's been going on. He wants me to see the counselor for a couple of times, then see after that if we need to adjust and/or add any meds.
He took LOTS of extra time to just talk to me (what doctor does that in this day and age???)...to remind me to work on me...to remind me that I cannot control my H and that I can't change him, but that I can change myself. He was so helpful and kind...he even gave me a hug, later, when I was leaving his office...and his nurse gave me one, too! I am really lucky to have such an amazing doctor and staff!
His nurse, while she was drawing my blood, said,
"I'm going to tell you two things. I've been around awhile and
(1)I admire that you've stuck with your H for this long, through such a mess. It shows me that you are strong and that you can make it through this...and that you ARE going to come out of this, no matter the outcome of your marriage, a better, stronger person than ever before. Don't forget that.
and (2) while it is NEVER excusable for a man to cheat on his wife or treat her this way....he is just a man. People make mistakes. People are stupid. If you can, try to forgive him. Not just for him, but for yourself."
So, my dr appt was actually pretty uplifting.
Then, I got home and H was there (even though most of his clothes and bathroom stuff are at his friend's). He hung out with me and the kids all evening. He was very reluctant to leave for work. And, he came up and gave me a hug when he was leaving.
This morning, we've had to text a couple of times about football games today, etc. and he's been nice. BUT, he made sure to tell me that he'll be "busy" all weekend and not coming around. Also, two nights ago, he texted from work and told me that he's going to be nice to me but "not to get my hopes up."
I feel anxiety creeping in...and I hate that. I really do.
