I am not comfortable with texting/FBing/communicating with other people when we are together in the bed that we share. I propose that both of us make the commitment that when we are together in bed, phones go away and communication with others will stop at that point. We should both respect the private nature of our bedroom. It is the most sacred place in our marriage and in our home.
Hey J, wanted to just comment if I may about this. ^^^.
I am not questioning whether you should have set that boundary or not. Your choice, your decision, right?
I do want to say that if it were said to me, I would have found it a bit condescending and controlling. And the reason why you dont want to do it in that way is that I am assuming that is not who you want to be any longer. You were telling her how she should feel. Not your job. Her feelings are her choice.
Mach wrote these guidelines for boundaries. Hope they help. And as I said, be the man you want to be. We teach others how to treat us. And we in turn should treat others how we want to be treated.
Think about , very specifically, what you want boundaries on.
List them out and read them (aloud) to yourself. Sometimes reading them aloud will give you a new perspective on them. If they sound funny , then find out why they do, because they might not be a boundary that you need to relay....or relay in that way.
Make sure, 100%, that your boundaries are NOT for you to "punish" in any way...
Watch how you deliver them. Make sure that you word them without coming across as controlling.
Closely examine the words "you", and "I" . Anytime one uses those words, there is a strong chance of using guilt, or blame.
"Always" and "Never" are words that can make us hypocrites....try to stay away from them as well.
Make sure that YOU feel good about saying them, and they are only to protect your emotional being, or physical in some cases.
Make sure that you are willing to die on that hill. Meaning is it worth it to even state them.
Do NOT overstate them. Say what you want ONCE, and rest on that. Don't explain yourself, you have your reasons, just like they have theirs.
Then you need to back away, and live with those boundaries, and let them live with them. They will cause them to spin a little, but that isn't your problem now.
Use tact, not anger. Tact was described to me as telling someone to go to hell, and they look forward to the trip.
Be the person that you want to be, regardless of what happens. You are setting a boundary, not to induce a reaction, but regardless the reaction.
