She's gonna make it.....

[reachingHigher]

Say rH, when your H was in replay, did he used to ignore you when you were talking to him? My H drove me all over the county today looking at used cars (isn't that nice! ) and I forgot to STFU and tried to talk to him in the car a couple of times. But he ignored me. Did not even blink. But then a couple of seconds later started talking about something else. I don't know if he was deep in thought or what. But did your H do this sort of stuff? I don't WANT to STFU anymore. So am hoping that yours did this, and mine will stop doing it. Sigh.....

Hi RL!

I am trying to think of those incidents now. It seemed that my H was much more stressed out in public. I saw him once or twice a week at home. At home he was quiet, did a couple of things for me around the house, ate quietly with me and the boys, and then usually wanted physical attention (no talking). Often he seemed in a trance. I've described it like looking like a man gazing over the ocean dreaming.

A couple of times in public I remember what you described. We ate once together at a restaurant after looking for TV's for his apartment. It was going really well with interaction. We were actually communicating about some issues in the car on the way there that regarded the downfall of our M.

Then, about 2/3 of the way through the meal, I was talking about taking salsa dancing lessons, and he looked super interested, then it was like a blank curtain was drawn over his face. Like he was tranported somewhere in his mind. Then he was gone, mentally from the conversation and we switched subjects. The magic was over and the rest of the meal ho-hum.

Another time he and S12 (at the time) and I were eating in a sandwich shop. H acted so weird. His eyes were darting everywhere. Everywhere except me. He wouldn't hold any eye contact nor conversation with me. He even pushed his chair back and tried to engage other sandwich eaters in the shop at different tables in conversation with him. Anything to get away from me. He was like a trapped animal.

On that occasion he said goodbye and hugged me for like 5 seconds and it was really him. I got a genuine hug. Then I got into his convertible mustang (top down) with S12, donned sunglasses and put my hair in a ponytail. I gave him a sweet smile and we roared off. But inside I was a raging mess. I cried the whole way home.

So...ya...I've been there. They can't engage. They have their issues. You just have to hold on, dear Rosa, it's a terrible ride!!

[Portia]

Rosa,

Sometimes we just have to do the Bitchy Bogie Bootie Dance. Loved what you said. Shows a bit if sass and it is good to see.

Your H won't know what hit him.

[RosaLinda]

Thanks so much for your honest response rH. It's sort of mean, but I"m glad your H did that sudden "blank curtain was drawn over his face" thingy and that you think it is due to their difficulty engaging during MLC. Dawn described it as being called to the mother ship One minute H is there with me, the next he is staring blindly into space and sometimes just gets up and wanders away without a word. I was wondering if he might be going deaf, but it's selective deafness LOL! I'm glad you acted as if this did not bother you, and I am trying to do that too.

H is having hernia repair surgery tomorrow. I'm glad because it always bothers him during physical activity, like mowing the lawn or, ahem, ML. Not that there is any of THAT going on around here lately! Tuesday while we were sitting together he got a message on his phone from RT that said "now we only have to wait 2 more days." He scampered away, to talk to her on skype, I presume. WTF, what could the two of them be doing together in 2 days? Of course ML was the first thing that went thru MY mind grrrr, but she's as crazy as he is if that is what she meant. Lucky for the two of them that tramp is safely in Moscow.

[Cadet]

One minute H is there with me, the next he is staring blindly into space and sometimes just gets up and wanders away without a word.

This ^^^^^ is a clear sign of depression.

The staring blankly into space.

[Pudmuddle]

How funny to read about the blank staring and stopping in the middle of a convo. I have noticed this in my H too. We can be talking and having a normal convo and then I start to say something else and he just blanks out, stares at the tv. I used to snap my fingers and say HEY, but now I realize that was condescending. Now I just look at him and wait for his return. LOL.

I love hearing your stories rH, as I have said many times before. It's so nice to read from someone who has been through this and give actual experiences, not just advice.

Ugh, RL, I would hate to see that kind of text. She sure has him on a short leash! It's something that's important only to them, not to anyone else in the world. Maybe he's getting a new leash? Hang in there, you have been through so much and I admire your strength.

[LoisB]

Like the vacant guy who sat in our living room when the girls told H all their feelings about his decision to allow OW to move into his apartment.

Remember? He looked empty. Like the life had been sucked outta him. Even D11 noticed it.

Sad

[beatrice]

You know something - many of them seem to like being on a short leash. Funny that they see us as the problem and run off to a really controlling situation. I sometimes wonder if we have been too nice to them and not the reverse! LOL

If I had nagged and bullied my xh we might still be married, but I do not want to be that sort of person

[ForeverYoung]

he got a message on his phone from RT that said "now we only have to wait 2 more days."

Isn't that part of the fermented oatmeal recipe?

[sweetbabyred]

he got a message on his phone from RT that said "now we only have to wait 2 more days."

Isn't that part of the fermented oatmeal recipe?

FY, love that!

And it's a reminder Linda that things might not be as important or exciting as you're making them out to be.

[BrightFuture]

Yes, it could be part of the oatmeal recipe. But maybe she was refereeing to his surgery?