Thanks for the perspective. I'll definitely take it into account.
Just trying to have a PMA today. Being sick and realizing that W has been with OM for almost half as long as we were married is bringing me down a bit.
That is also playing a part in my feeling reluctant to answer her contacts. Part of me is growing impatient with the time involved in all this. I worry that continuing to allow her to come to me for support is not helping her to see what life without M would be like and evaluate if thats what she really wants.
me: 30 XW:28 tgthr:4 m:1 no kids BD: June 2013 D: Jan 2014
Sometimes this whole DBing thing can feel like a game, like you need to make the perfect move at the correct time. I really think that the key is to understand that the journey is about you (I am still struggling with this).
Does it hurt YOU to respond to her contacts? Are YOU better off responding or not?
The DBing goal is to make yourself into a person that only a fool would leave. If responding to her contacts is hurting your pursuit to be a better person, then don't respond.
I dont think in general they are helping me in pursuit to be a better person because I am able to validate more and try to understand feelings.
Most of the time it does not bother me, only today has it really made me question why she comes to me or if I should continue being their for her while she still is very active with OM.
me: 30 XW:28 tgthr:4 m:1 no kids BD: June 2013 D: Jan 2014
As part of the GAL process, is it normal to start to wonder if M is really worth the effort of trying to hold on to somone who wants out? Or do you learn through the process that just don't want the old M but a better one.
I know I don't want my old marriage, but starting to feel unsure if I want a new one with W. I know I am not ready for any R now and am working on being a better me. But in that, am I also losing some desire to be with W and is that normal?
me: 30 XW:28 tgthr:4 m:1 no kids BD: June 2013 D: Jan 2014
Sometimes this whole DBing thing can feel like a game, like you need to make the perfect move at the correct time. I really think that the key is to understand that the journey is about you (I am still struggling with this).
Exactly!
We are in such a state of disarray that we (unknowingly) convince ourselves that our R is like walking a tightrope across an bottomless ravine...even the slightest lean in the wrong direction leads to certain death.
That isn't the case. It's more like driving a car on a road. You're going to veer a little to the left and the right, and you're going to need to make adjustments, but you're going to do well and get where you want to go if you just keep it between the lines.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
As part of the GAL process, is it normal to start to wonder if M is really worth the effort of trying to hold on to somone who wants out? Or do you learn through the process that just don't want the old M but a better one.
I know I don't want my old marriage, but starting to feel unsure if I want a new one with W. I know I am not ready for any R now and am working on being a better me. But in that, am I also losing some desire to be with W and is that normal?
Yes, very normal.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
At what point does the detaching and GAL cross over from growing as a person to growing away from W. It feels like any consideration for W in the future is slipping and desire for R is not as strong.
Even if W were to completely flip, I think it would take a pretty big effort to consider putting in the time and energy for R. At what point does dropping the rope turn into walking away.
I'm sure its just my impatience acting up today but thought Id get the thoughts out.
me: 30 XW:28 tgthr:4 m:1 no kids BD: June 2013 D: Jan 2014
At what point does the detaching and GAL cross over from growing as a person to growing away from W. It feels like any consideration for W in the future is slipping and desire for R is not as strong.
Even if W were to completely flip, I think it would take a pretty big effort to consider putting in the time and energy for R. At what point does dropping the rope turn into walking away.
I'm sure its just my impatience acting up today but thought Id get the thoughts out.
Based on the information you provided in your signature, my algorithmic based Divorce Busting simulating model says this will occur for you in exactly 37 days.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Based on the information you provided in your signature, my algorithmic based Divorce Busting simulating model says this will occur for you in exactly 37 days.
-PM
So I've got a little time is what you are saying.
me: 30 XW:28 tgthr:4 m:1 no kids BD: June 2013 D: Jan 2014
