Rolling up my sleeves...

[JFun51]

Mach-I'm in agreement with basically everything you are saying. Problem is that truth would have led to giant argument and R talk again. I attempted to deal with a stressful situation with a little restraint and control. Weeks ago, I would have blown up and accused her of texting OM, given her the opportunity to lie and remind me she doesnt love me, possibly snooped on her phone after she went to sleep, and ended up making myself and her miserable. To what end for myself, my sanity, or my M? I tried to find a way to express my needs without conflict and without accusation.

I am responsible for my own behavior. She is responsible for hers. I did not want to give her a blank check to do it right in my face and disrupt my ability to sleep and function. If she goes into another room to do it while I'm in the bed, at least I can try to sleep. That is for me and me only. I cannot control her, I get that. I even acknowledged the fact that it was important to her right now and that if she felt the need to do it for hours at night, to just respect my need to sleep.

So Mach, what else could I have done? Finding myself in all of this is my journey. I am working on that with the help of many of you on here. Along the way, with all of the introspective soul searching that I am doing, there has to be some basic day-to-day boundaries and living that must go on.

I am working on my detachment from "needing" her. I am working on not allowing my every move to be dictated by her selfish actions. I am working on finding understanding and compassion for what she is going through and why she is the person that she is. I am doing all the MLC homework again. I am trying to find peace in the middle of this tornado. I am trying to protect my kids and my finances from the wake of destruction.

I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything this morning. I had a bad night and allowed my MLC crazy W to get into my head. I set a boundary that will hopefully help me be able to get through nights on a regular basis without losing my focus in anger, frustration, and jealousy.

As long as this behavior was allowed to continue in my face, I felt that I was going to be sucked back in every night. There is a sense of control when it comes to preserving one's dignity. I don't want to be pushed out of my own MBR because I constantly have to ignore her and avoid a fight every night.

Would I have been better to just state my case flatly and brace for the fight? Or simply walk out and give her the space? Or sit and ignore it like I have for the past several weeks? Or refuse to come to bed as long as she is doing this? Or just go on and move out of the house so that I can work on me alone?

Not trying to be difficult. I just need some serious nuts and bolts, every day advice. It was an obstacle, and I tried to find a way to navigate it.