Sandi2 it makes me feel like a second option, like I am a back up plan, like my best isn't good enough, like if she comes back she is settling. I'm really tired, tired f the pain, tired of not knowing when she is going to leave or if she s going to file, tired of no communication and have tons of questions that are going unanswered or can't believe I am getting a truthful answer. I'm getting tired of talking about my sitch and having people wanting to know what going on.
I know something is going on and that is why her cell phone and ipad are locked. At times I feel this whole mlc is an excuse to be selfish and not to be held accountable for your actions. There have been times I have thought about being with someone else and have been attracted to someone but have never acted on the impulse, and trust me there were times in the military. She often accussed me of not loving her and that I would be the ome to have an affair, and if I did, she would cut off my manhood. She would get extremely jealous to the point that if we were watching tv I would look away if a woman in a bikini would come on the screen, if we were out I would look at the ground so I would not be accussed of looking at other woman. Now she tells me she is attracted to other men and I do nothing sexually for her. She see.s to be doing every thing she accused me of and I never did any of it, might have thought it but never acted on it.
Wow, I tkink that question touched a nerve and I just vented some pent up resentment and anger. I m not tring to sound like a victim because I know I let those things happen to me and I am mad at myself for being weak.
I have thought about writing her a letter and letting her know that I not going to wait so she doesn't think I am an escape plan but at times I think that is controlling the sitch. I just know at this moment if there is another person I don't want to be the one to have to help her put the pieces back together. I don't think I'm that strong or if I really want to.
