We're Dating

[CallaghanClown]

And about your goal(s)...

I WANT TO BE IN A LOVING MARRIAGE WITH MY HUSBAND.

, hat's really broad.

What does that look like to you? Mutual respect for eachother. Sharing each others lives. Showing eachother the love we need, him words, me actions.
Did you have that before? Yes, but not for a few years.....not that I realised it!
Again what can you do to help you? I'm working on my side of the marriage, the mistakes I made. I'm in therapy, I've got a life. I'm there for him but not perusing him. I'm focusing on myself and the kids.

About your kids, I don't know that standing is a good example for them. I think it's hard to know how our kids see our R, or how they will see our R.

I think living a happy, fulfilled life is the most positive thing we can do for them.

IF I WASN'T STANDING FOR MY MARRIAGE I WOULDN'T ALLOW AS MUCH ACCESS AS I DO.

I would really think about this. Why would standing for your M make that different? If he's "not a good influence" and I don't know what that means, he's not a good influence. Is he doing inappropriate of dangerous things with the kids?

MY HUSBAND IS SPIRALLING, MAKING BAD DECISIONS THAT ARE EFFECTING OUR KIDS BOTH FINANCIALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. HE'S NOT IN CONTROL OF THE THINGS HE SAYS AND OFTEN I HAVE TO SET BOUNDARIES ON WHAT HE DISCUSSED IN THE PRESENCE OF OUR CHILDREN. IF I WASN'T STANDING FOR MY MARRIAGE I WOULD HAVE CUT ACCESS UNTIL HE COULD SELF SENSOR, BUT I AM STANDING SO I SET BOUNDARIES INSTEAD.

I don't know what your H's specific problem is, I have rad a bit of your threads but the book Depression Fallout might be helpful. Is he drinking or drugging? Do you know?

HE IS ABUSING FOOD....I SUSPECT ALCOHOL TOO AND THERE ARE RUMOURS ABOUT DRUGS. I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THIS BUT I FIND A LOT OF WHAT HE'S DOING HARD TO BELIEVE.

Best of luck, CC.
[/quote]