Can I graduate, Can I graduate Can I look in faces that I meet Can I get my punk ass off the street I've been living on for so long Can I graduate To the bastard talking down to me Your whipping boy calamity Cross your fingers I'm going to knock it all down Can I graduate Echo fading we can't let go She goes walking by in slow mo' Sell your heart out for a buck Go on fade out before I get stuck Talking to somebody like you Do you live the days you go through Will this song live on long after we do Can I graduate Can I look in faces that I meet Can I get my punk ass off the street Won't die on the vine I want to knock it all down Can I graduate Echo fading, candle blow Did you flash out long ago Cross my fingers, I don't know Someone poked you down below Can I graduate, Can I graduate Can I graduate, Can I graduate Can I graduate Can I get my punk ass off the street Can I look in faces that I meet I'm not waiting here for you to fly Will this song live on long after we do
M:29/H:30 Met:2007 M 3/20/09 SEP 9/4/13 Back in house 10/5/13 H in Replay still DBing my heart out! Babies: Harley AKA Paw-Dobie 10yrs Timmy-Bunny 7yrs Dusty-Bunny 4yrs
It's all in your mind, she said The darkness and the light The clock it bleeds for you But you never got the time in right I woke you up And I slit the throat of your confidence And we laughed in the night And I felt all right All hands on deck boys Cause this ship was made to sink Your swabber salutes you now But I know what he's thinking I woke you up And I slit the throat of your confidence And we laughed in the night And I felt all right Thanks a lot, Thanks a lot, Thanks a lot The clothes she wears mis-fit And she's nervous when she speaks Her zombie mom and dad Live in a separate house of freaks I woke you up And I slit the throat of your confidence And we laughed in the night And I felt all right Thanks a lot, Thanks a lot, Thanks a lot I'm the one for you Cause I know all the dirty things you like to do I'm the fear in your eyes I'm the fire in your flies I'm the sound that's buzzing around your head Thanks a lot, Thanks a lot Thanks a lot, Thanks a lot
M:29/H:30 Met:2007 M 3/20/09 SEP 9/4/13 Back in house 10/5/13 H in Replay still DBing my heart out! Babies: Harley AKA Paw-Dobie 10yrs Timmy-Bunny 7yrs Dusty-Bunny 4yrs
This one hits home hard. I think of Boo, wanting him to know that no matter what I am hear, I am your beacon, your light house, your friend and family. I just want to be there for the things you are going through. No matter what you do to me, to us, you are on my mind, you haunt my nights, there is something in you I believe in.
"Good For You"
Hey will you stay awhile My smile will not mislead you Cause I've been alone My faith turned to stone Still there's something in you I believe in Close to the pierce I go wild and fierce Still I let you be, I feel you next to me Cause inside I feel a wind that starts to blow I'm taken in your undertow Everything is fine, I'm lonely all the time Cause all I want to do is be there For the things that you're going through Well, is it good for you, is it good for you Cause you haunt my nights when I don't know where my life should go Well, is it good for you, is it good for you Hey child please stay a while My smile will not mislead you Cause I've been without, I go wild with doubt I grab at you, I can't stop grabbing at you Cause I feel you cross my mind In disarray, intoxicated ricochet There's nothing wrong just don't take too long Cause all I want to do is be there For the things that you're going through Well, is it good for you, is it good for you Cause you haunt my nights when I don't know where my life should go
M:29/H:30 Met:2007 M 3/20/09 SEP 9/4/13 Back in house 10/5/13 H in Replay still DBing my heart out! Babies: Harley AKA Paw-Dobie 10yrs Timmy-Bunny 7yrs Dusty-Bunny 4yrs
Good Morning All....still no posts! This moderation stinks! Oh well, anyways.... Yesterday wasn't a bad day. Work was OK, got home, did some relaxing, hanging around the house. Boo got home around 6PM. I took the dog for a walk, we had a good time, as always.
Got home, and did the best Acting As If I have ever done. I basically forgot that he was home! Boo was in the computer room (aka his room) and I got back from the walk, turned the TV on, got a drink, started watching some shows. I like to sit after a walk, so Paw will lay down and cool down. Paw is quite clingy and if I'm up and about he will follow me. Now I might now be winded from a 30 min walk, but he is, so I sit for about 30 min after, so he will just lay on the cool tile and chill. That is what we did. Boo initiated some convo, I mainly concentrated on my TV shows, talked with Paw, just acted AS IF I was alone and not feeling awkward or anxious because Boo was home.
He did end up leaving, but we sat for about 20 min chit chatting. MIL's bday is monday, and my SIL text Boo asking what "we" (meaning her and him) were doing for it. He and I are both on the outs with his sis. I laughed when he told me, and said what she can't do something for mama without you? Figure it out Heather! Then he asked what WE were doing (him and I!) for MILS bday. A part of me was SO ANGRY!! WTF do you mean WE??? DO YOU HAVE A MOUSE IN YOUR POCKET? (one of my Dad's sayings, still makes me smile) YOU WANT TO BE ALONE REMEMBER???? THERE IS NOW WE!!! YOU M EFFER!!!!! BUT, and I didn't. I just said I didn't know I wasn't sure. I might just go see her after church on Sunday like I always do (which I do alone). He started talking about some gift ideas, sounded a little flustered and then said Ok we will figure it out. Again kid we are not a we. I am unsure if this is cake eating or if because I feel like I finally have dropped the rope and all my expectations, he can sense it and he wants to try to come around. I dunno. Very confused. I worry so much about cake eating. I feel enough like a doormat as it is, I don't want to look at "baby steps" and think thats what they are, when they are really just Boos way of cake eating. Well I am sticking to my plan, Sunday after church visit my MIL by myself as always, with a candle and nice card for her. Boo can figure it out on his own. Tonight we have a dinner date. He his cooking his homemade chicken tenders. So we will see how that goes. I plan on keep all my plans. Walk with my Paw and 8-9pm is an hour of pleasure reading before bed. It feels good to have my own routine. I had a dream last night I'd like to write about, but later, I have to get ready for work, I slept right til my alarm! BYE All and God Bless!
M:29/H:30 Met:2007 M 3/20/09 SEP 9/4/13 Back in house 10/5/13 H in Replay still DBing my heart out! Babies: Harley AKA Paw-Dobie 10yrs Timmy-Bunny 7yrs Dusty-Bunny 4yrs
Well, I will just keep posting until a vet sheds some of their light. Having a good day today. My days keep getting better and better. My anxiety has lessened, but the sadness and loneliness is there. Boo and I used to have such fun, and I miss that! I miss laughing with him!
After seeing my past posts, I did not clearly explain his future plans. Our OR talk Sunday must have pushed him into withdrawing from me again. He left Sunday, came back Monday am to get work trailer and then didn't here from him until Tues evening. I guess not that long. Anyways...future plans are for him to get me a house, rent our house out for income or atleast to cover mortgage, build a house in NC mountains (how, IDK...with what funds? he has bad/low credit too) and rent that out for rental income and then rent a room....as in find some roomates I guess or someone who needs to sublet a room in their home....so yeah...strange. I have to laugh when I think about it. Boo has always been so driven, wanted to have the best of the best, loved building our home and adding to it with decks and landscape boxes etc..but now he will be satisfied with a room? Sounds like running from responsibilities to me. I am actually almost relieved when I know he won't be home. Acting As If is very hard and draining. To put a smile on my face and actively listen to him talk, when I am reeling in my own head "why are you doing this, why don't you love me, why won't you come home?" I truly believe that I am starting to fall out of love with him, because he is so pathetic to me! I kind of like it! It makes the hurt almost non existent. It is such a relief to not WANT to be around him. If he does decided to come back to me, he will have to really put for effort to make me fall in love again. When I walked Paw on Tues, I had a good talk with myself. I said that I missed food for one, I missed laughing and smiling and enjoying and I was tired of the headaches from crying. That I was going to be HAPPY! I feel like I found my inner happiness, the happiness that Boo and all our H/W's are trying to find in running and solitude and strange behavior. I feel enlightened. I am happy because I choose to be! It was such a good walk. I also ate my first salad in a long time. Since I have no appetite, when I am hungry, I eat what I want. Lots of pasta, bread, mozzarella sticks. I haven't seen a green veg in a while...meanwhile my digestive system is finally calming down (the trots have finally subsided) but we all know what happens when there is no ruffage and lots of cheese...yeah. I need to take better care of myself. More water more exercise. More laughter at the little things. I hope Boo can see my positive changes and makes them in himself too. I miss my friend. I miss my family.
M:29/H:30 Met:2007 M 3/20/09 SEP 9/4/13 Back in house 10/5/13 H in Replay still DBing my heart out! Babies: Harley AKA Paw-Dobie 10yrs Timmy-Bunny 7yrs Dusty-Bunny 4yrs
Just wanted to let you know that your posts are showing up, so you might be off moderation now. I know how frustrating it is to write and not see it show up for days or weeks.
I'm older than you, but I felt like my xh was too young for a mlc too. He's only 34 now, but he fit all the signs otherwise.
He feels that he's getting old and should have accomplished so much more by now.
Sorry I can't really be of any help, but I wanted to let you know that this is a great group of people, so keep sharing your thoughts as we're all in the same boat pretty much.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
Hi Sweet: thanks for posting I appreciate it. I feel like anyone 30-35 going through this can relate to my situation. It is hard to relate to the retired people for me. I still have to face my 8 hour work day and wonder if I will ever have a normal family life, like the one I lived. My parents stayed together, had me, no divorce no affairs no addictions no lies no abuse. Its very hard for me to accept that this is my life. Its true when they say you go through your own transition with your spouse. I am questioning all of my life decisions, mainly marrying Boo.
True Gritter: My Boo has always dealt with depression in some form or another, I can see that now. As a kid he was placed on meds for ADD and in therapy by his mom, while his dad was pulling him out of therapy and not properly giving him is ADD meds, feeling he didn't need them. He refuses any help now. He says he "made a promise not to do that to himself". His Aunt is a licensed psychologist and MIL has talked with her, and there is nothing any of us can do to encourage him to get treatment. He definitely knows he has a problem, but feels he can work through it. When this all started back in may, he used to just tell me "just give me some time, I need some time to get over it." Its only been 6 months since I was able to see the change in his personality, although looking back, the anger started awhile ago. But we still had fun, we were still intimate and he still contacted me during the day and came home like normal, so I didn't think anything of it. But now he is deep in replay, trying to soothe himself, by getting rid of all his stresses (house/bills/mortgage/me/dog and live a "simple life"). I think I have accepted I can't fix him, but it doesn't stop the hurt of seeing someone I thought I could always depend on, someone who was supposed to be my life partner, not want to be around me, not want to show me affection and not know if he wants me in his life. Actually, typing this is the first time I've cried in about a week or so. I am doing good. I feel good about myself again, and I am not blaming myself or think this has anything to do with me. Honestly, I vacillate from high to low self esteem in my life, always have. But I think I am on the High end right now. I am smart, attractive, funny, I have many talents and hobbies. I enjoy the things I enjoy and I don't need anyone to validate me.
Your questions: What are you prepared to do for your M if you are not guaranteed it can be saved?: I having given myself a timeline of about a year. So Dec 2014, to DB my little heart out and stand by the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with, in a sense.
I will not be a complete doormat, but I am prepared to be just a friend, a good friend, to listen to him, validate him and act as if. We have some debt that won't be paid until May 2014, he knows this. But then after the debt is paid, we still do not have much in savings. In fact, we have NONE in savings. Since he started the construction business, some weeks we get a paycheck, some weeks we don't. So we have been living off just me. JUST ME. I think this hurts his ego and causes him a lot of stress. Anyway...back to my plan. So even after May 2014, we will still need to save for a down payment on a house for me. A part of me truly doesn't believe he is going to go through with this, so I do not plan to push him, until my time line of Dec 2014 comes. Then I will say OK what are we doing here. You don't want to be with me, but yet you don't want to move on. SH*t or get off the pot! I do NOT plan on making any attempt to try to figure out how we are getting D, he wants it, he can figure this out. Now, I don't plan on blowing money, but it is very hard to pay all out bills, buy some food, GAL (while spending as little money as possible) and trying to save to get a house. So I am going to take it one step at a time. Right now, paying off bills is #1. Once that happens, We can start saving again, and depending on where we are as H&W it will either be saving for US, or saving for MY house.
WHY?: for one, I have to. Money is an issue. I also think money is causing so much of his stress. But that's for another post. I do not even have 1st last sec for an apt, and where would be best friend be? My Paw? You think I can rent an apt with a 125lb dobie?? Ha! I bet you I couldn't find a house that would let me rent from them! So I just need to stay put, b/c my Paw is my child, my BFF and he is my #1 right now.
for 2, I have this NAGGING feeling this will come around, and he will figure it out, we will get the money situation figured out and his stresses will be lifted and he will feel better about himself. Now I know he will have to face what he has done to me, and that will be the big challenge. But I feel like he knows in his heart, under all this bad stuff he is thinking, that he loves me. Yes, right now he needs to be alone, but way deep in there, he knows he can't live like that forever. But he isn't thinking long term. I am . I am not worried about this set of holidays or even next. I am thinking 5 year range. Will he really just want to be alone? I just can't give up on him yet. In a year I will evaluate that. And I am not interested in being with anyone else, although I do miss romance and intimacy, I want it with Boo. So even if we did D right now, I would plan to be alone for awhile. I am not completely alone right now. I have not cut him off from my world completely.
What also confirms his confusion: he has this great plan of getting rid of all his stressors and living alone, then why isn't he selling off our worldly possessions? We could be planning a tag sale, cleaning out house and garage (which are packed, Boo is a packrat just like his dad) we have a boat we should be selling (he drained savings to buy) We have tons of guns we could be selling...but nothing is moving. Yes he seems to have this urgency to be alone, but he has no urgency towards making it happen. Because he doesn't know what he wants. He knows he will be making a mistake, but I guess the thought of having no stress and only worrying about him and his room soothes him at this moment. I will let him think that that is a great plan, but like I said, no major steps have been made to get to it. He also commented how he has plans to bring in a lot of money next year from the business. FOR WHAT???? TO FURNISH YOUR ROOM???? Ugh. Or maybe to build his mountain house. I dunno. He dunno either!! Ok that is all for now, still need to get ready for work!! BYE ALL and God Bless and thanks for the reads!
M:29/H:30 Met:2007 M 3/20/09 SEP 9/4/13 Back in house 10/5/13 H in Replay still DBing my heart out! Babies: Harley AKA Paw-Dobie 10yrs Timmy-Bunny 7yrs Dusty-Bunny 4yrs
Happy Sunday to All, its is a muggy day in FL, breezy though, a nice warm fall breeze! lol
Had a pretty good weekend actually. Really feeling better about myself.
Went to church, almost skipped out, but I gave myself a time frame to eat breakfast and get ready and I did it and went and I'm glad I did. I tried to really pray about others, modify my prayers though.
For Example, my good friend is trying to start a family and running into frustration. 5 months in and nothing. Instead of a normal, simple prayer of "bless her and give her a baby, Lord." I prayed for God to guide her, show her that although something she wants so bad isn't happening as easy as she thought, still see the other good things in your life. I prayed for the health of all our uterus's. Me, and two other friends who should be parents, not sure if we will though.
It made me think of my own baby crazy time I just went through, which may not have helped my marriage at all. Trying not to beat myself up about it. I told Boo about my friend. I told him I wasn't really sure what to say to her, so I texted her I was thinking about her and praying for her, but I wish I could say she should try look past the frustration and don't dismiss your current life as crappy, don't feed into the frustration. (which I did myself, and look where I am, alone on a Sunday afternoon in the house my Boo built.) I hope he took understands that's how I feel now. Its hard to control your emotions. I have a daily struggle with it, but since I've been trying to control mine, life has seemed better to me.
I should probably talk about whats going on with my mother also, which is not helping matters, and Boo is hostile about it, I don't even want to talk about it with him, he just thinks he knows everything and it annoys me.
Dad died June 2013, mom has only been on first dates and no guy she liked enough for a relationship. She is very picky and many people have told her so. She could find anything wrong with a guy.
Well, ironically She met a guy with a very long rap sheet, shady background. Lots of evictions, arrests, dui's, bouncing check, lawsuits, divorced twice. His adult kids aren't much better. Just too much stuff. I can't deal. Our family isn't perfect, but my family, mom dad me and Poppy, were never evicted, never arrested. The problem is he won't talk about it or explain himself. He told my mom 1 dui and some story about how he bought furniture, had to sell it to feed his family, sold it at pawn store, and got arrested (he's a convicted felon) for dealing in stolen property and grand theft. what good was doing all that to feed your family, if you ended up on prison for 2 years. I guess they made it just fine without you there!!
I printed a large amount of info that proved there as way more than that, I mean 20 years of arrests and evictions, and when she questioned him he states he "has paid his debt and already talked to a judge, he doesn't need to tell anyone else, it is all in the past. I get that, but if there were mutliple arrests and mug shots of me on the internet, and they weren't true, I'd want to know what they were!!
I couldn't make this sh*t up if I wanted to. There are pics of him on FB standing in front of a large house with pontoon boat and docks. The caption reads "my boat, my back yard." Um, this man has no license and no car and he rents a room from what my mom tells me. WHERE IS YOUR PONTOON BOAT?
Typing this has made my blood boil. My mom is totally infatuated, she has told me mutiple times that they are serious, in love they talk moving in and marriage. She knows him, we don't. She's know him for 2 months and has alienated her daughter, her friends of 20+ years, her work people. People in extended family and friends know and are very concerned. I have 6 aunts and they all know and are worried. I just can't get over this. I wish I was exagerating about all this, but it is all in black and white, I've purchased background checks and printed his mug shots and eviction notices (7 by the way).
Here I am going through QLC (quarter life crisis) with Boo and she deserts me for a criminal. I am supposed to be going there Wed to talk. I usually talk to my mom once a day at least. Now we have gone as long as two weeks, cuz I needed to show her that I wasn't backing down from the truth. She can turn a blind eye but I can't. It goes against everything I was taught. THAT SHE AND MY FATHER TAUGHT ME.
I loved my father. He was my #1, before him it was my Poppy. My Poppy was my best friend. Dad was the same, but he was tough and when I needed it I got it handed to me. And I am a pretty tough person I've come to realize. Despite it all I feel happy, I feel like good things are coming my way and I try to project that on everyone. We can never stay down forever, you gotta come up, just everyone gets up slower, faster, different time.
I can see some of my friends on down swings, my BFF with baby girl is having arguments with her BF and she has been wanting to be alone. I try not to give her advice, even though I see things he's doing and she's saying. She kind of gets defensive, so I am just going to be there and when she asks for advice, I will give my best, but if not, I will just listen. And cook us dinner I love our girls night. And I love her BF too, so I don't think he's a bad guy but he's young, they both had ruff childhoods so some signs are there and he has been a waffler, coming and going once in her life over past 3 years.
That's what I call Boo now, my Waffle, comes and goes, isn't sure etc...it makes me laugh though, I have a Family Guy reference to go with it, Boo would get it, but I'm not gonna tell him it's because QLC!
Back to my BFF, so yeah, I love her whole little family and I will be there however I can, baby girl is 6 months on Thanksgiving. I'm excited for that.
Ok getting long. BYE for now...
M:29/H:30 Met:2007 M 3/20/09 SEP 9/4/13 Back in house 10/5/13 H in Replay still DBing my heart out! Babies: Harley AKA Paw-Dobie 10yrs Timmy-Bunny 7yrs Dusty-Bunny 4yrs
Hello All Happy Monday. I am on my lunch break and thought I would share a post.
Had a great weekend! And I have a busy busy week coming up.
Friday I spent by myself. Pulled up and Boo and his friend (who he stays with when he needs his alone time) were hanging out at garage. Ive know this friend since I've been with Boo, so I was happy to see him. He had a look of contention in his eyes, didn't get up to hug me, whatever...The Great As If Actress let it roll off her back!! Boo actually got some really good work news, so I congratulated him. He asked what I was doing Sat for dinner, said I wasn't sure and I'd back to him.
Saturday I got up and did 2 hours worth of yard work. My succulent garden looks awesome and I have many plants ready to bloom for the holidays. Succulents are winter bloomers. Very excited. I went for a swim at my mom's BFF's house, my surrogate mother KK. Had a good talk. Got BERRATED by boo with nonsense texts. At noon I sent him a text that I would be home by 7PM and would be cooking, come by and hang if you want. Then at 2PM, he must have gotten to the house, and I wasn't there. I literally had 5-6 texts of pure confusion. Here is out it went:
Boo: Hey Rakey-Do Boo: Me and Paw are outside, I am cleaning scrap trailer for this week, Paw is sleepy. Boo: That chicken looks good. Boo: Where are you today Boo: I'm having a sad day, gonna pass on chicken tonight. Boo: Maybe I will come by for chicken. Nom nom nom (one missed phone call) Boo: Or maybe not, WTF, u never answer.
I was in the POOOOOOOL!!!! What the heck??? Losing control much? I called him, he didn't answer, left him a nice VM stating I was in KK's pool, would be home by 7pm, gonna cook regardless, come on by if you want.
At 5 when I got home I texted him the same thing. He decided he would be by, but couldn't make it til 8, I reassured him if he didn't want to come I'd be OK. He did end up coming, we had an OK night.
I need to STOP talking about my mom and I's situation. He truly feels like he knows everything and it makes me mad and I can't control my anger about it.
He ended up staying Saturday. Sunday he left for his moms and I left for church and didn't hear from him again til he showed up this morning.
I am doing really good with moving on and I can see it is scarying him. I posted about his Mom's birthday, and how he asked what WE were doing. Saturday he told me he had called his step dad and told him that WE would be by Monday to do dinner at their house. He never even asked me. I told him I was going to an Orchid Society meeting Monday and couldn't go. He asked when I would see his mom, I said I didn't know. He wasn't mad, he seemed excited for me. He thought I was talking about a bromeliad society meeting, which we went to once together, which is in the city an hour north of us, and he questioned me, "All the way up there?" I said, no that's the bromeliad society, this is orchid. But I felt like saying, Whats it to you buddy??? What do you care about me all of a sudden for?? But I didn't.
He also freaked out on my Thursday. I walked a nature trail with MIL and Paw, and when I was done, I drove Paw and I home. I saw I had a missed call from him, but I've been trying to stay off my phone while driving and I was sweaty and just wanted to drive with the windows down and not talk. He called me again and left a somewhat hostile message, he sounded annoyed. "Just trying to get a hold of you, I'm on my way." MIL later told me he had called her looking for me. Its like dude, you leave for days with no call no text. What do you want from me? I'm moving on. I am no sure how to express this to him, or if I even should. I usually don't bring up his rude texts or VM.
I am seriously thinking about getting a second job, to supplement my income. I have explained our financial situation, and this weekend it really hit me. Here I am sitting on my rump, bored as heck. Yea, I do some chores and I see some people and I occupy myself, but wouldn't it be great to go back to waitressing a couple of nights a week. The extra cash would be awesome. I contacted my old manager at a place I worked at before. I plan to go in Friday to talk with her, see if she needs help, since it is season here in FL and all the snowbirds are back.
Just a little back story...and this is where my new anxiety sets in...We both worked at this place, I was a waitress/hostess, he as a busser, in addition to our day jobs. His EA he had in 2008 was with a waitress there. She is no long there. The other half of the story is I had a huge crush on the owner's son, who was a waiter. He had made out, mainly just hung out, nothing major, we never dated, but back in the day I had a major case of unrequited love. Now, (I hope) its different, for me. I hope I am more mature. I think I will always have a special place in my heart for the kid, but all in all, I am still glad I ended up with Boo. The kid (he is 29, like me) is a waiter and lives with his dad, the owner of the restaurant. A gambler. Tried to live this fancy lifestyle, at one point drove a gorgeous BMW, which his dad now drives. He has a Honda. He really has nothing to offer me, as far as starting a life, so I am glad the love was not shared between us. There is also a bartender, older gent, maybe mid forties, who loved me. He would flirt with me, but it just would never have happened.
Boo has a lot of insecurities about them. I almost feel though, at this point, I have to live my life for me. As far as Boo has expressed, I will be nothing more than a friend to him, and he doesn't want this life. He has not expressed anything different than his "renting a room" scenario. So I need to plan for my future and start saving for a down payment on a house. Despite these two guys, the people at this restaurant loved me, and I loved them. They were my family and I haven't seen them since I married Boo. They never wished anything but happiness for me in my life. In fact I found my manager on Facebook and she was ecstatic that I was going to come in and see her. There is no ill will and even though I have been MIA, it feels like they would welcome me with open arms. And I need that right now.
I do not plan on telling them about me and Boo. I plan on wearing my diamonds and basically Acting As If everything is OK.
I am worried about telling Boo though. I know he will be made, but I just don't care at this point. He can say what he will, but he has made his decision to not be around me or in my life and I need to make decisions for me. I know the restuarnt, the people, the food, and they know I have a day job and can work with my schedule. It would just be easier then to find a new job. This will be by far the hardest Acting As If performance I will have to do. I can just hear him, "What if I wanted to be around two women that want to have sex with me???!! How would you feel." I will have to explain that I have changed, I trust you, and you should trust me. I want to be with you, but you are the one who is confused. I am just trying to occupy my time, be around people and make some money. I will clearly tell the bartender and boss's son that I am completely in love with you, which won't be a lie and you are my family and my world. It might also be a good idea, if they hire me back, to come in and show your face, to show we do actually have a relationship, but that is up to you and I won't expect that from you.
That is my plan
M:29/H:30 Met:2007 M 3/20/09 SEP 9/4/13 Back in house 10/5/13 H in Replay still DBing my heart out! Babies: Harley AKA Paw-Dobie 10yrs Timmy-Bunny 7yrs Dusty-Bunny 4yrs
