A, I want you to know I understand your fears completely. I had them all myself.
I wanted to tell you a little bit about me. My xh cheated on me with his gf from 30 years ago. He slept with her on our 25th wedding anniversary. He amassed $60,000 in credit card debt. I knew nothing about it, but, I owe half. He invaded our retirement funds. I couldnt do anything about it because we were married. My financial future is dire to say the least.
My only child was deeply affected by all this. Both he and I have a progressive, degenerative neuromuscular disease. He also has several other serious health issues.
My job is considered part time and does not have health benefits.
My xh was unemployed at the time of our divorce. He lied about having secured employed in another state 5 hours away. I owe more money than I care to say out loud. I too suffered from depression and anxiety.
I am telling you all this because I know that your fears are real. As I said, I have had them.
I thought I was not going to make it through all this. I thought my son was not going to make it through. But we did.
And you will, too.
I am like you in that I want to understand things. I want to have explanations for them.
I no longer do. I accept that there are some things I just wont understand. There are some answers I wont get.
And that is ok. The reason is that whether I understand them or have the answers doesnt change the outcome. So, I have learned to let them go.
So, if I can say one thing to you it is to not get ahead of yourself. Try to get through this day and then the next. Dont look too far into the future right now.
You need to get on steady ground first.
Now is not the time to think about whether you will ever marry again.
And now is not the time to figure out if you can forgive him. People do survive infidelity. But, you are not at that point yet.
I dont like to read that you hate yourself. That doesnt serve you well. You are grieving. Be kind to yourself.
You do what you can. Dont worry about what he wants right now. You finish school first. Then decide what you want to do next. If he doesnt like it, his problem.
