I think we all would love to have things work out for you with someone you are really excited about being with. You are obviously a really nice guy who is perhaps a tad bit too accomadating.
So what to do? Don't be so available. Don't rush to set something up. Perhaps ask how her trip went but otherwise don't instigate anything. Let her do some thinking. Does she want to be where you are or not.
You could be a great match but perhaps the timing is off. If it is meant to be it will work out, if not now then in the future. We all note the time we've been going it alone but it is only as big as deal as you make it be.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Exactly. My medium friend was the one who told me that dating post-D was all about paying attention to red flags and holding myself accountable for paying attention. I've decided it's exactly right. I think your advice to BA is spot on.
So now that I seem to be recovering from a crash course in migratory birds and a successful test by a client, I'm having a glass of wine and toggling between college volleyball and hockey. I'm brain dead, and hoping D19 will call me back since we haven't had a contiguous conversation in awhile. I have a friend with an 8 year old boy with Angelman's who has been texting me today. She's great, adorable, divorced, pretty, athletic, and dates a fireman. And she's trying to fix me up with one of his buddies. She's having a BBQ during the Broncos game on Sunday, and her house will be filled with... firemen.
I told her this morning I'd check my schedule and get back to her. I forgot. Mostly because I had forgotten my daytimer at work, and when I got to the office, my glasses fell out of my purse and I stepped on them. I can't read anything without them. So I had to go home and work here so I could use my spare pair. Then I had conversations with some great guys at the US Dept of Fish and Wildlife and then the USDA, and then I sat here and worried about my at risk client until I received word that all systems are go with them. And then Susan started sending me texts.
Twist my arm I guess. I have totally come to love my Sundays at home, so it takes work to get me to change up. I think I caved because the wine was working. I told her I'm on a dating sabbatical, but that I'd come. I'm not sure if she's going to care about my self-imposed sabbatical. He's apparently 51 or 52, divorced, fit, has a 12 year old boy and an affection for her son and developmentally disabled kids. I guess we'll have to see.
I think I'll just approach this like I would when I was younger: I'll play it cool, assume I'm not going to deviate from my formula and just concentrate on having a good time.
So what next? I honestly don't know. And I don't think it even matters.
Ok, time to see if my squatter has come home. I need to agitate the critter if he has....
TTFN,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I think it will do you good. Have fun! It is so easy to get comfy at home. I am guilty of it. D14 and her band nights have got me out, even when I don't want to. This Friday her football team is starting state playoffs so they get to perform. I thought we were done. Especially since KU basketball has their first official game at the same time.
D14 was not sympathetic,she told me to record it. I guess she doesn't get that I do not miss my basketball. Love this kiddo.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
IMHO, when a woman is giving you mixed signals that's not a good thing. I think you are having these alarmed feelings for a reason. That doesn't mean you bail but you pay attention and don't discount those feelings as overreaction. Guard your heart BA and know where your limits are. 'Nuff said.
Well said and well understood. I suppose I am hoping for the best, preparing for the worst, and wondering if I could be satisfied with something inbetween!
Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who is enjoying staying in more than going out. For years I've had to stay in (8 pm is when Ryan's nurse leaves) but now I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I guess it's the age. & I'm also becoming so dependent on my "reading" glasses - can't function without them.
Betsey - just go and have fun. You'll be meeting lots of people - not just one. But he does sound nice. I never once had friends "set me up" - I think it's nice.
BA - I like Kat's advice. But I also think Wii & Bets have a point about red flags. Are there any sparks with Marianne?
Finally going back to my condo this morning. Can't wait! The wireless at my Disney hotel has been awful - have Comcast at the condo. Josh has squeezed in a quick trip to visit me next week. He is managing 5 projects at work, will arrive at midnight Thurs and fly home Sun night. Has to work part of Fri. But still... If they love you - they make it work.
And sadly, after Ryan arrived home from Disney - his MRSA has caused another serious outbreak of cellulitis. He is back on very strong antibiotics. Ashley has had to take on more of his care & Josh is going to learn to give him meds as he now requires an 11 pm dose. Ryan is tube fed so it's not easy for someone not trained. Now, how many guys would do that for someone else's loved one? He is very special.
Feeling bad that I'm not there yet knowing the 30 year toll his care has taken on me. And my ex has not even texted to ask how he is or if he enjoyed his trip. Everyone at home has assured me he is fine and still grinning with memories of the fun. They assure me that they've got it covered. Beginning to feel more support in my new town and although we've been winging it with only 2 workers for the past 6 months - one of our former nurses has asked to come back so now I feel that my backup plan is working out.
Anyway - that's my news. The condo was part of the Post Fivorce New Me Plan so I feel wonderful when I'm there. Planning to spend my weekend on Sanibel's beaches.
BA, you don't have to "settle for something in between". That's making yourself less of a person than you are. You deserve to be loved by somebody who thinks you're the best there is! Don't settle I hope that things do go the way you want...we all do, but no settling, okay?!
Thanks Wii - I don't want to settle either and don't intend to. I'm just wondering that if I sit around waiting for the "perfect person or relationship" to happen then I could end up sitting on the sidelines for the rest of my life, instead of taking advantage of something perhaps less than perfect or ideal that could end up being very satisfying in the end.
I think because I have been involved in two failed marriages I have become extremely (perhaps overly is a better word) selective and picky about potential partners. I obviously don't want a third failure, but then again I'm wondering if I'm being so picky that I'm ruling out women who might actually end up being a good fit for me.
BA - My Flicker did not come home last night. Hopefully, he was hanging out with his woman somewhere else. Either that, or he got word that I was waiting with a long pole (used for paint rollers).
Barb - It's so wonderful that Ashley and Josh are willing and able to help you with Ryan. I'm so sorry to hear about the MRSA and cellulitis. How awful for him. (and you) But I don't discount the generosity of people. D16 has lots of people in her life on feeding tubes, and I swear that everyone chips in to help when they need to. It's a small world full of awesome people with big hearts.
Don't feel bad for needing the extra help. I think they love you and want to be there for you in any way they can.
My XH and I have made it financially feasible for D16 to be cared for if we were to be hit by a bus tomorrow. D19 surprised both of us this summer by telling us that if something did happen, she'd transfer to Colorado School of Mines, get her chemical engineering degree there, quit volleyball and come live in my house to take care of her sister. She said to us, "I wouldn't trust anyone to take care of her like we do. And I would take that job seriously and do it well. She deserves that much from me." It made both of us tear up.
So seriously, I'm not surprised.
Kat - I didn't mean not to answer you last night. I agree. And when D19 was playing high school and club volleyball, I attended everything. I wouldn't miss her stuff for anything. Now that it's in the rear view mirror, I'm so glad I did. All the sacrifices were worth being present and available for her. No regrets, and you won't have them either.
Back to you, BA. I don't think you're being overly sensitive. For one thing, if you had 2 failed marriages and you were 40, would you feel the same way? I'd bet you'd be a little gun shy, but not "overly picky". I personally think it's where you are in life. Face it: there's more in the rear view mirror than the windshield, you've raised your kids and you want to make the very most of your time. You want to set yourself up for happiness as well as success.
I'd like to see you promise yourself that even if you don't meet or have the timing with a good woman that you forge full steam ahead with your own plans. You deserve that.
For the record, my BIL (married to my sister) is married for the 3rd time. On paper, it reads horribly - and on paper, I'd be the first person to caution someone about treading lightly. But the funny thing is that I never did that with my sister. My BIL got married for the first time right out of high school. He got his HS sweetheart preggers and "did the right thing" by Indiana standards. He got a good paying job as an electrician at Ford and provided for his family, which grew to 2 kids before he and XW #1 realized they made the decision to marry for the wrong reasons and divorced.
He married XW #2 in his 20s, mainly as a mother figure to his 2 boys, as he had physical custody of them (but joint legal custody). He said he realized a couple years in to that marriage that he married the wrong person for the wrong reasons. My sister was the one he said he should have married all along. They were friends first, and that's when I met him. I liked him the moment I met him. And he's the older brother I always wanted. I love him dearly, and he loves my sister dearly. He'd be the first one to tell you to love the one you're with.
Something tells me that you'd get my full endorsement too. Sometimes, people learn from mistakes. Sometimes their mistakes define who they are, and sometimes smart people use those mistakes to become better and happier people. And when done with vulnerability and humility? It can be a powerful aphrodisiac. I can tell you from my heart that I'd rather be with someone like you than a guy who never married because he was afraid of marrying the wrong person. (If he admitted he was afraid of BEING the wrong person, that would be different.)
Anyhoo, that's enough rambling. And I haven't even had wine today.
Barb - I will always love staying in more than going out. I don't know when that happened for me, but staying at home all by myself makes me REALLY happy. I also like being at home with my girls. My favorite memory of post-D family is a snow day home with both of them. I really miss that most of all.
Off to do work. I'm doing a happy dance because my sales pipeline is growing, and I'm closing business rather than watching them fall off my list. It's exciting and fun!
TTFN,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I hope that things do go the way you want...we all do, but no settling, okay?!