You have shifted your focus from "her" to "me" but I see you going back there quite a bit. You answer the questions here, you delve into some self analysis, and then you pop back up and ask something about W.
Unfortunately, that's a very familiar position for me, so I get where you are at. And I can tell you, the sooner you can put your full focus on you, the less stress and drama you will find yourself in. So what do you want? Who do you want to be?
Another thing I see in your thread is the continually testing by your W. Every time she sees something good in you, she'll try to push a button to remind herself of the old you. Recognize that for what it is. Her tactics will continually change in an effort to get that justification from you.
Originally Posted By: JFun51
It seems that every hat I wear in my life seems to be for someone else. Husband, father, job, etc. I know these are roles that we all play, but they are all in service to others.
I think that is huge that you see that. It's the starting point. When I asked above, "who do you want to be?" the follow-up to that is "for you." It's not a dad for my kids, a husband for my wife, a professional for my associates, etc. It's for you.
Originally Posted By: JFun51
I need to learn to be my own person independent of the marriage that I've created.
Again, excellent start. This is where you find you again. It's where you start to take control of who you are instead of just existing, instead of blaming others, instead of making excuses.
You are getting excellent advice her, and Mach can make your brain hurt with the best of them I think when he first started talking to me, it all began with a question as simple as:
"What do you want to work on? What changes in yourself do you want to make?"
