As Tim the Tool Man would say....mmph...mph...mph or something like that. No plans to go big man caving. Just doing up the house my way, and with the help of a friend who is good at decorating. Getting some beds in each room. All those odd jobs I wanted done years ago. Parties everynight, dirty clothes left everywhere, plates in the sink for days......oops wrong story.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Yeah GALing for the first few hours/days/weeks and then the big clean up.....no way.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I have a letter that I would like feedback for: this letter was written to be sent in 5 weeks time when I leave the country town. A couple of points before the letter: * I wanted to repeat my actions before BD were wrong, but I have only had good intentions. * I wanted to let her know my non contact for the last 6 months has been at her request. * The being "happy and at peace" also was her words 6 months ago. * I want to let her know that I won't be contacting her, but it doesn't mean I don't care. But this is her journey now and she will need to determine if she wants contact. * Both my sons are adults, the W doesn't need to be contacted unless there was an emergency. She doesn't need to know how their birthdays went, or whether they did something special on the weekend etc. * We will only see each other at a special event for the sons: Engagement or Wedding. I will not be attending any Christmas events (not that I would expect to be invited by her family). etc.
As I said, this is not being sent now, it actually may not even be sent. But the plan at this stage is in 5 weeks to send it, my last day of the internet. This is my way of closing the chapter when I leave here.
I am happy to read any good or bad responses to it, or any 2x4's if needed.
The letter: Wife, I have always wanted the best for you. Somewhere along our marriage it didn’t seem to come out that way. For the last 6 months I have tried very hard to leave you alone, to allow you time to find peace and happiness in your own way. Therefore, as a last selfish want from me: I want you to be happy and peaceful in whatever you have chosen or will do in your life. I also forgive you for making your choice to where you are now. As I leave Emerald in the next few days, my way to help you achieve this is simple. I will not contact you again, under any circumstances or for any reason. Hopefully this will allow you some happiness and the peace that comes with it. I will always only have my best wishes for you. My home will always welcome you with an open door and I will always answer if you ring. It will be up to you if you wish. Please note, the internet will be disconnected tonight and this email may be the last time it is used. Therefore I will not be able to answer this email. Though no reply is necessary. You will always be in my heart, hotwheelsaust
That's it, my way of giving me peace as well.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I think the question you need to ask yourself is will she read it? This is still a pursuing email even though you're intending to switch off the internet, in my opinion. I realise that you want to peek out as you've been dark for a while now, but you know how she was at the party with you. I would send her a shorter email, but I'm not sure what I would put into it. I'll have to think about that one This is just my opinion, see what the others think
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I'm unsure about this email. As TTD said it could be pursuing. It sounds to me like you are temperature checking. The mention of six months is on your timeline, not hers, like "how do you feel now that I let you go for six months?". Also, I don't believe she thinks she has done anything wrong. She has done what she thinks is necessary for her happiness so I don't believe she will see your "forgiveness" as validating her feelings. "I will not contact you again, under any circumstances or for any reason. Hopefully this will allow you some happiness and the peace that comes with it." ..sounds like you are giving her an ultimatum and a last ditch effort to get her to contact you because of the internet being "disconnected" statement.
I know you are doing your very best, but emails can be very easily misinterpreted if they are not worded correctly, remember the FB incident, and maybe I have misunderstood your intentions. This is just IMHO. I can imagine your W thinking to herself "there goes HWA,trying to get his own way again".
I agree about the forgiveness bit, I thought that as well but couldn't put it into words. To me it just sounded wrong.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I can pretty much see the real underlying reason why you want to send out the letter to W. You're feeling antsy pantsy for a "closure" now that you are transitioning to a new chapter in your life with the new transfer.
To me, that is reactive and serves no purpose to W since your marriage is pretty much DOA. Your W is long gone into the mist and you really need to LET HER GO.
I am all for LBSes writing letters as a part of cathartic exercise and putting these letters away [or burning them]. Good gosh, I've written several letters to Ms. Wonka, post DR, and tore them all up. It served two main purposes for me: 1) clearing away pent up anger, bewilderment, confusion, sadness 2) kept me AWAY from the pursuing itch!
Sure, do this for yourself, HWA. I would not recommend that you send that letter to your W.
Continue working on yourself and progressing toward discovering inner peace. One step at a time, mate!
As I continue my journey, I would like to wish you peace as you continue yours. While this has often been a long journey over the past year, I also learned so much about myself, and my relationships with those I love.
Thank you
HWA
So, you get some closure, you wish her well and it is about you. I have thanked H for leaving, simply because I never would have reached this place if he didn't.. Weird, but true.
