I Believe it Cause I Feel It

[Whiterose]

Well, I cried. A few times yesterday. I had created these series of collage pics of S19 as a baby and posted them throughout the day. It was hard going through so many pics with H in them. I didn't use any with him or his family.

By the time I got home from work, did done shipping, made dinner and did a bit more work I got to sit on the couch at 9. S14 and I watched Bones together then I cried while trying to go to sleep. During dinner S14 said, after seeing a Christmas commercial, "I think if dad has a couple of holiday days without us he'll realize he needs us". I almost broke done right there. I told him I didn't think H was in a place to realize that. That I didn't think he would be for a long time. He went quiet.

Those normal moments must be hard to guage Pud. Not sure which way to feel. Must be extremely difficult not to get your hopes up every time. We'll be with each other in spirit for sure!!!!

Portia, I think mine are too, actually. It all coincided with S's bday so it's made it a little worse. I'm hoping sooner rather than later. I feel like such a shmuck for e run having feelings for him at all!! He goes out to a pub with S19 tonight for drinks......see how that goes I guess

Thankf you both for you're support!!