PATIENCE PROMISCUITY AND PROFIDIOUSNESS

[PatientMan]

Making,

I just got back from school and I'm spiraling again. I broke down at school and I sobbed the whole fifty minute drive home.

I am having such a hard time again. I'm very overwhelmed and feel as though I'm sinking.

I have exams coming up , a final project, my husband is starting to pressure me about money.

The holidays are coming up, and last Thursday he told my youngest daughter , he doesn't know if he'll be doing Thanksgiving with us, due to the possibility of it being awkward. This was after we spent the time in the forest, prepping for the hunt. I don't get it...is it because of wanting to be with the "possible" OW?

He told her if he didn't do it, that she HAD to go. This just crushed me and I burst into tears again. I'm in such a depression, that I can't control my mood swings.

I'm now feeling terrified and I cannot stop the thoughts about if there is someone out there with him or whatever.

I think as long as you're feeling as though you are in such a state of disarray that you shouldn't make any huge decisions. That can be step 1. Once you accept that you won't be making any huge decisions (like confronting your H or ending the M), you may feel a little stress relief because at least the weight of having to make a decision should lift off of your shoulders.

But you have to be honest with yourself and tell yourself that you will not make any decisions while you are feeling so off-kilter.

I need help detaching , I am exhausted and I can't seem to let go.

This is your step 2: Detaching. It's the step that will take the most time to take effect and take the most diligent work, but the end result is worth it.

On the subject of detaching, there are two major components of it:

1) Getting off the roller coaster of your spouse
2) Not letting the sitch fully consume you

To detach, you have GOT to take the focus off of your H and put in on yourself. You have got to figure out who it is you are, who it is you want to be, and begin working to reconcile the differences between those two versions of yourself.

It is this diligent and intentional work on YOU that will help you detach.

And once you begin to detach you will see that your decision making ability will become clearer as you improve from this seemingly constant state of fragility and your mind stops trying to process every detail and possible outcome at light speed.

(It's entirely draining...I know, I've been there.)

I tried researching about if I should confront or not . If it was a good idea. I tried reading about OW and if they stay together or how long...

I am so confused, my emotions go one way, and another part of me says " why can't I let go, step back? " This is wrecking any self esteem I had left. I am feeling like a child , like I have no control.

I am beginning to feel desperate and clingy, and I NEVER felt that way before. Why do I feel this way... why can't I just get furious and push him away?

This pretending that it's okay to be friends is destroying me inside. I'm becoming a sniveling wreck , my confidence is shot. I'm constantly distracted, forgetting things, obsessing and I can't stop it.

When does this stop? When does the fear go away?

This stops when you begin to take back control of yourself. The first part of that is realizing you've had the ability to do so all along, and while you gave it to your H for a while, you have decided to take it back because it's quite obvious he hasn't been a good steward of it.

I want this to get better for you too. Are you on board?

-PM