Oh Ambiv, I'm so sorry to see you in such extreme confusion and pain.

My suggestion, and is only a suggestion, is maybe just start by taking one thing at a time. I realize you have quite a LOT going on right now that only adds to the extreme stress on you.

Since you are ocd, how about making a list of everything you must do and put your M at the very bottom. Your H telling you you need to get a job right now is not your priority in my opinion. Its what HE thinks you should do. What does Ambiv want right now? Starting with a list is a good way to get everything out that is on your mind that you have to do and when you start checking things off you will start to feel like you have are coming out of your hole.

It can be simple things that you can achieve right now. Like 1) Study for tests 2) take tests 3) Make plans for holiday (w/o H), etc, etc. Make it simple and achievable for the state you are in right now. It will help. I often did that during my deep depression, just to MAKE myself do something that I felt like I could do. One thing at a time, not all of it all at once as it is in your head right now.

Please know that a lot of us are here for you, love you and support you through this painful journey.

Me:49 H:47
S: 16
T:27 M:25
My EA: 2001
His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013
Separated, but H still in house

Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.