OK Mach. I'm not sure if I know how to completely answer your question yet about who I want to be for me. I'm struggling with that. It seems that every hat I wear in my life seems to be for someone else. Husband, father, job, etc. I know these are roles that we all play, but they are all in service to others.
I know the desires I have. I want to have another person that I share life with. I want to be a successful professional. I want to be a strong father figure.
I have been examining what brings me joy in life. I think that may be where to start for me. I need to find those things that truly make me happy and focus on those things. I feel like I have missed out on a lot of things and a lot of experiences in sacrifice to marriage and fatherhood. As I begin to dig deep, none of those things have to be sacrificed. They are all part of the same experience.
Example: I have never traveled much in my life. I have always wanted to see other places. My job has allowed me to travel to a few cities (Atlanta, Pittsburgh, etc.) I love to see other places and enjoy them. That has never been a part of my marriage or my family. Why? I don't know. That should be a shared experience. If W doesn't want to, then I should plan these things anyway. I deserve the experience and my kids deserve the opportunity if they choose it.
I need to learn to be my own person independent of the marriage that I've created.
In my professional life I am in control. I am a person that others look to for inspiration and leadership. I enjoy that. I have been very successful in that role. I am self confident, funny, and make people's lives better every day by caring about them. At the same time, I get fulfillment out of being that guy that people enjoy seeing. I don't think I've ever been that in my marriage. I need to just be that guy in every situation, regardless of my marriage.
I have had more people tell me how good I look and how much they like me in the past few months than in a while. As I said in an earlier post, I had a younger coworker tell me in front of 2 other women that if I wasn't married, she'd want to date me. I want to be a guy that people enjoy being around and want to be with. I want to be a guy that women and men both enjoy the company of. I also want to be able to be able to be happy enough by myself that their company doesn't matter.
Self confident. Leader. Enjoyable. Outgoing. Caring. Solid. In Control.
Best I can do today.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
