We're Dating

[labug]

I GUESS I WORRY THAT IF I STAND FOR MY MARRIAGE FOR 2.5 YEARS AND IT DOESN'T WORK OUT, THAT I WILL BE 2.5 YEARS OLDER AND MAY NEVER FIND SOMEONE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH. SAYING THAT I STILL TRUELY BELIEVE THAT ME AND MY HUSBAND ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER. I ALSO WORRY THAT 2.5 YEARS OF STANDING FOR MY MARRIAGE MAY NOT BE THE BEST THING FOR MY KIDS. I APPRECIATE THAT IT IS A GREAT EXAMPLE TO THEM TO SEE ME FIGHTING FOR MY MARRIAGE BUT THERE FATHER ISN'T THE BEST INFLUENCE FOR THEM AT PRESENT, DUE TO HIS MENTAL HEALTH. IF I WASN'T STANDING FOR MY MARRIAGE I WOULDN'T ALLOW AS MUCH ACCESS AS I DO.

You're going to be 2.5 years older anyway and if you use the time for really working on yourself, you'll be so much better prepared for your next R, no matter who it's with. You'll also be a better mother, friend, employee.

What I notice is you're living your life in the future, all the worries you mentioned are in the future. Live in the day, each day.

You have no idea what you're life will look like in 2.5 years and while it's good to have goals to work toward, you can't plan for anything really, other than uncertainty and how you handle that.

And about your goal(s)...

I WANT TO BE IN A LOVING MARRIAGE WITH MY HUSBAND.

, hat's really broad.

What does that look like to you?
Did you have that before?
Again what can you do to help you?

About your kids, I don't know that standing is a good example for them. I think it's hard to know how our kids see our R, or how they will see our R.

I think living a happy, fulfilled life is the most positive thing we can do for them.

IF I WASN'T STANDING FOR MY MARRIAGE I WOULDN'T ALLOW AS MUCH ACCESS AS I DO.

I would really think about this. Why would standing for your M make that different? If he's "not a good influence" and I don't know what that means, he's not a good influence. Is he doing inappropriate of dangerous things with the kids?

I don't know what your H's specific problem is, I have rad a bit of your threads but the book Depression Fallout might be helpful. Is he drinking or drugging? Do you know?

Best of luck, CC.