I feel for you, it is hard to live with uncertainty.

But that's what we have to do and accept that things are never certain.

It helps when you know that you will be OK whether he stays or goes.

It's OK to feel all those thing you're feeling, not only OK but expected. The thing is to name them, feel them without judgment and let them go.

We also must accept that our Hs are going to have unsettling feelings, they are not always going to be in the same emotional "place" that we are. But can we open up a conversation about those things and each get our needs heard?

Slowly work toward getting him to be a more present Dad. Could you ask for a very specific thing, instead of leaving it open-ended? "H, I have an invitation for dinner with some friends, on Thurs night. Could you stay with the kids from 7-10?" And keep to the agreement-don't come home at 10:05 or 10:30. Be there at 10, thank him and send him home.

He expressed a need to you, how are you going to meet that?

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss