Moments...its just a moment... (it too will pass).
I still have them!! some days are much better tahn others.
PRAY... Pray for Gods work to be done on your hubby. Pray for God's will.
Breathe.
I completely understand:
"This pretending that it's okay to be friends is destroying me inside. I'm becoming a sniveling wreck , my confidence is shot. I'm constantly distracted, forgetting things, obsessing and I can't stop it.
When does this stop? When does the fear go away? I'm disgusted with myself ."
I am soooooo distracted, space cadet! I stare into space most of the time, and have to write down what h says so that I don't have to have him repeat . When he repeats he gets pissed at me! I am the queen of obsessing... I couldn't stop it either.>>>> BUT!! eventually, that seems to slow down.
I don't know what happened, I grew along the way. I began to "let go" of needing to know everything and wanted to know less about him. I prefer it now actually. It makes it easier. I began to really do the work on myself that everyone suggested. I am feeling much better about myself and liking who I am becoming. Keeping the good qualities from before and adding a whole new dimension. I am still learning.
Ask yourself this: WHO DO I WANT TO BE, and start to be her!
For tonight, go to bed... put ALL images, questions, concerns about H and your R aside. Imagine this amazing Ambiv, she is strong, beautiful, she is courageus, alluring, desireable, _____ (fill in the blank)..... add more. Go through the alphabet and pick amazing words that describe the NEW AMBIV!
Start talking positive to yourself!
Good night!
(((HUGS)))
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
