PATIENCE PROMISCUITY AND PROFIDIOUSNESS

[Ambivalent]

Making,

I just got back from school and I'm spiraling again. I broke down at school and I sobbed the whole fifty minute drive home.

I am having such a hard time again. I'm very overwhelmed and feel as though I'm sinking.

I have exams coming up , a final project, my husband is starting to pressure me about money.

The holidays are coming up, and last Thursday he told my youngest daughter , he doesn't know if he'll be doing Thanksgiving with us, due to the possibility of it being awkward. This was after we spent the time in the forest, prepping for the hunt. I don't get it...is it because of wanting to be with the "possible" OW?

He told her if he didn't do it, that she HAD to go. This just crushed me and I burst into tears again. I'm in such a depression, that I can't control my mood swings.

I'm now feeling terrified and I cannot stop the thoughts about if there is someone out there with him or whatever.

I need help detaching , I am exhausted and I can't seem to let go.

I tried researching about if I should confront or not . If it was a good idea. I tried reading about OW and if they stay together or how long...

I am so confused, my emotions go one way, and another part of me says " why can't I let go, step back? " This is wrecking any self esteem I had left. I am feeling like a child , like I have no control.

I am beginning to feel desperate and clingy, and I NEVER felt that way before. Why do I feel this way... why can't I just get furious and push him away?

This pretending that it's okay to be friends is destroying me inside. I'm becoming a sniveling wreck , my confidence is shot. I'm constantly distracted, forgetting things, obsessing and I can't stop it.

When does this stop? When does the fear go away? I'm disgusted with myself .