Originally Posted By: RosaLinda

I don't know if it would help you to hear that the rest of our Hs told us a lot of the same exact crap as your H is telling you. But you know what Angela, none of these relationships were real and none has lasted.

This does help in that it helps me see I'm not alone...it helps me see that I can still keep moving forward and working on myself because others here have been through the same stuff and are doing ok.

But the one thing I truly believe and agree with, that both of our Hs told us, is that when they were acting hateful and mean, it was because they do not love themselves. And that does not have anything to do with us.

Thanks for the reminder. I keep trying to own ALL of our unhappiness and mistakes...I have to find a way to only own my part and let the rest go.

My S12 today asked why I'm going to start going to counseling...and I said to work on being a better me. He asked what that meant. I said a better mom, a better friend, a better wife....just a better, healthier person. His response? "Why? I think you're the best mom ever!" Love that kid so much!

I'm sure your H will appreciate the clean house, just like you are happier in a clean house!

Yeah, this is something I already wanted to work on for me. I hate living in a messy house.

The biggest thing my DB coach tells me to do now is to STFU most of the time, and never approach my H.

Thank you for sharing this advice...I've been trying to do this...but failed so badly yesterday, for sure!!! My C today told me that nothing will affect my H more right now than a quiet, calm, and peaceful spirit. So, I really, really need to STFU more. For real.

But like you Angela -- I believe in God. I put my faith in God that both of our Hs will escape and will become sane again. And that when their eyes are open and they are blinking like moles who have come out of a dark tunnel into the bright sunlight, they will see their "lovely wives." Us, standing strong for our marriages. I am trusting God and this process to get us thru it.

I had a mental picture of us Standers as warriors of a sort....strong and steady through all this chaos.


Thank you, as always, RosaLinda.....you are so strong and courageous!