Intro - hoping for support/advice on DBing

[melissag]

Thank you so much for the responses! I am SO glad to be off moderation! It makes me feel a lot better to know that others have been where I am, and that I am not handling this as poorly as I think. I am sorry that the wonderful people here had to go through this, because it truly is awful - but it gives me hope to see that you have emerged as sane, rational, and happy people. (Not to mention helpful!)

Also, I need that constant reminder - I have to focus on me me me me me. Funny because I think that not doing that had a lot to do with where I am now. If I am being honest, I am focusing on me, but still looking for that positive reaction from H. (I feel like I have been really successful with the reactions I have gotten so far, and you know - they give you an inch, you want a mile!) I am hoping that I will slowly but surely stop doing that - it's a work in progress for sure.

Is detaching a conscious thing? I mean, is there any way to detach, or does it just happen naturally after a while of focusing on one's self and accepting that's all that can be done?

I am going out, doing things, even though sometimes I *really* don't want to. Trying to keep a PMA and stopping myself when I start to think about anything more than a day or two in advance.

adinva, thank you for the reminder. Thus far, I have been really quite good about not guilting H or being pathetic. In fact, I sometimes feel like I am letting him off the hook entirely. Painful as it has been at times, it has definitely put H more at ease. Hopefully when he is not here I will be even better at it.

PM, I will try to adopt your mantra . . . just need to start feeling more awesome.