Always running these days! Been catching up with everyone but then I run out of time to post on my own thread or on others.
FY -
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You know I'm all about connection, and reaching out to build that until I'm done. Are you done? It doesn't sound like you are to me.
Am I done? I think I may be close. Certainly I am done any sort of chasing, pursuing or initiating. I am done hoping. There seems to be little point to holding on to hope in my situation. I just lack the courage to sever the final tie. But that time may be near.
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What do you suppose would happen if you asked him to meet up with you?
Well, we are 1000 miles apart, so it might raise an eyebrow. But a few random texts does not grant him an invitation to meet up. If he wants to see me, he'll have to ask. He has given me no indication that he does. Again, small random texts are nothing. The last time we saw each other (almost a year ago now), he was late "because his mother needed something". I later saw a text from GF which made a liar out of him. I made a tremendous effort and expense to see him only to have that happen. I am not open to that happening again and I don't trust that it won't. I don't trust HIM, anymore.
Bright, thank you for your wise words. I am still angry. Furious at times - at him for behaving this way and at me for my inability to say bugger off for good.
NLT, I have also been told that I was more man than woman in my traits. I like my independence and the ability to make decisions. I am not a fluffy, emotional or touchy-feely person (i.e. woman traits). There are many women out there like us.
I do know what you and FY are saying about communication. I wonder if I would think differently if xSO was around more - or at all. To be vulnerable to him in any way again, including showing any overt interest makes me very nervous. He has shown me that he can and will hurt me. I don't trust that he won't. And I do NOT want him discussing me with his GF - oh look, see we really were "just friends".
Bea, thank you for your informative post! I have only shared the whole story with one of my friends and she is constantly amazed that he is still contacting me at all - it has been 14 months since BD. She is on the fence about whether MLC truly exists, but she will admit that is not normal behaviour when someone ditches you.
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I would do what another very good poster here many years ago advised, and keep the door open. Be pleasant when he contacts you, reply, but do not initiate the exchanges or prolong them.
MLCers have a hard time letting go, despite all they say.
So the texts may be very early signs of reconnection or a desire to remain somewhat connected. If you still have feelings then by all means keep the door open. There is not need to do violence to your feelings here, but whatever you do - don't pursue. I know you won't, but it is always worth saying!!
So get on with your life, go on growing and changing, - the door will either open wider or gradually close more and more. No need to slam it shut unless you really want to (as opposed to feelings understandably p*ssed at him)
I am trying to follow this advice for now and have been for a long time. Sometimes, though, I feel like axing that last tie. Maybe hope has yet to truly die?
Rosa, always a pleasure when you stop by! I wish there was a way to find out through someone other than him but there isn't. Most of the people we knew in his town we're really his friends and as much as they said they liked me, they accepted news of the new GF with open arms. Because it would make a difference. If he is still with GF or with a new one, I think I have to be brave and sever the cord. He cannot have his cake and eat it too with my permission.
Melting!! How wonderful you stopped by! Have you updated your thread? How are things going my Long-Distance buddy? Thank you for the compliment. We've come a long way, huh?
And WhiteRose, thank you as always for stopping by. You know I read your thread! Gotta get better at leaving a post!
So here is my next "dilemma":
xSO's birthday is this month. Had I not heard from him at all, I would not have considered sending a Birthday Text; nice easy decision. But now wit this increase in contact (He sent another text a few days ago), I wondering if I should? But I am also wondering if I should be a bit sneaky and say happy birthday, I am sure your family/GF and friends have done it up right for you?
Question: If I did not acknowledge his birthday, would that be akin to slamming the door in a passive aggressive way? I keep wondering what might happen if I ignored the day. What would be different? Nothing, is the answer.
