She's gonna make it.....

[reachingHigher]

Say rH, when your H was in replay, did he used to ignore you when you were talking to him? My H drove me all over the county today looking at used cars (isn't that nice! ) and I forgot to STFU and tried to talk to him in the car a couple of times. But he ignored me. Did not even blink. But then a couple of seconds later started talking about something else. I don't know if he was deep in thought or what. But did your H do this sort of stuff? I don't WANT to STFU anymore. So am hoping that yours did this, and mine will stop doing it. Sigh.....

Hi RL!

I am trying to think of those incidents now. It seemed that my H was much more stressed out in public. I saw him once or twice a week at home. At home he was quiet, did a couple of things for me around the house, ate quietly with me and the boys, and then usually wanted physical attention (no talking). Often he seemed in a trance. I've described it like looking like a man gazing over the ocean dreaming.

A couple of times in public I remember what you described. We ate once together at a restaurant after looking for TV's for his apartment. It was going really well with interaction. We were actually communicating about some issues in the car on the way there that regarded the downfall of our M.

Then, about 2/3 of the way through the meal, I was talking about taking salsa dancing lessons, and he looked super interested, then it was like a blank curtain was drawn over his face. Like he was tranported somewhere in his mind. Then he was gone, mentally from the conversation and we switched subjects. The magic was over and the rest of the meal ho-hum.

Another time he and S12 (at the time) and I were eating in a sandwich shop. H acted so weird. His eyes were darting everywhere. Everywhere except me. He wouldn't hold any eye contact nor conversation with me. He even pushed his chair back and tried to engage other sandwich eaters in the shop at different tables in conversation with him. Anything to get away from me. He was like a trapped animal.

On that occasion he said goodbye and hugged me for like 5 seconds and it was really him. I got a genuine hug. Then I got into his convertible mustang (top down) with S12, donned sunglasses and put my hair in a ponytail. I gave him a sweet smile and we roared off. But inside I was a raging mess. I cried the whole way home.

So...ya...I've been there. They can't engage. They have their issues. You just have to hold on, dear Rosa, it's a terrible ride!!