Taking A Stand; What's my Position?

[Mimi00]

Thanks for your prayers K and your concern lostinpgh.

It seems like one negative thing after another has been happening the last few days.....but I've been handling it all positively. (The best part actually was the meeting at my job didn't go the way I was fearing, it ended up being very positive. Thank God. I feel like I am being tested w/ my responses to all of these situations that have been happening this week.)

One thing that happened was I locked my keys in my car and after exploring all options that weren't working, I called H for his AAA information. H didn't answer, I didn't leave a message or anything. It was late so I figured he was sleeping and ended up getting help elsewhere.


But the kicker on top of my week so far, H called today...(2 days after I called for help) he first asked if I had called him b/c he thought he saw I called, he working late that day though. I said, yes...then he went straight into talk about the D!

(He hadn't mentioned it in 2 months, so I was really surprised and immediately sad.)

I almost start crying because I was honestly hoping he'd never bring it up again.....instead I pulled my self together and said everything he was saying sounded fine. (He wants to mail the paper work back and forth, he said he's going to go ahead and file where he is in "wonderland" b/c he won't be able to travel anytime soon)

He reminded me that the week of BD I told him I was hoping to be self sufficient by January and he asked if I was still going to do so; but if not he'll still help, if he has to. I responded that I believe the only thing he is still covering that's connected to me is the car insurance, so I will leave that up to him if he no longer can do so; Money is tight for me, but I will make it work if I need to.(don't know if that was a good response, I still was kind of emotional in my head....I was tempted to get a bit of an attitude [the old me] and say "don't worry about it, by January you won't have to worry about me any more, I won't even need to speak to you after that point"...but I held my tongue and did not say that)

He then went on to ask how I am doing....
I told him I've just been working and going out when I can.
He said, I know, "I saw that you went sky diving, you did it before I did!".

I responded that I didn't know he ever had an interest in skydiving, that when I did zip-lining back in may he mentioned he wouldn't do something like that, so him saying he had plans to sky dive was surprising to me. He said he had friends at his old job that sky dived and it's something that is on his list to do and he plans to do it next year. I told him how much fun it was.

Then I asked what he'd been up to, if he went to any Halloween parties or anything?

He said he's just been sitting home, working.
(one of his complaints about me was that I sat home...and he didn't feel like he was "living life")

He then start talking about work (since BD he usually says how amazing things are), he said there are things at work that have been bothering him lately and told me a story about one of his co-workers that messed something up. He said he's gotten job offers, for big money, to go move some where else, but he's not taking them.

Then he said how he "loves" living in "wonderland" so much.
I asked him what changed his mind so much about living there?
(before BD a lot of good things were happening for him career wise there, so I suggested maybe he should stay there longer and he said "No way", that he would "never" want to say there longer than his 3 month travel assignment).

He said the reason he loves it there now b/c the people are sincere and considerate, it's very health focused so it's good to be around that culture and he's been 'smoke free' from a month now.

Then he said "it's easy", he said his job is so easy for him, it's stress free and he doesn't want to leave that right now.
So he plans to be there for 5 years.

(The only thing I could think is who wants "easy" all the time? What I've learned in this DB process, it's the challenges that can help you to grow as a person and learn. I feel that's how he wants his entire life to be now though..."easy"... b/c he comes from a background of hurt and struggle, so dumping me and being able to be completely "stress free" is what he wants.)

We then talked about a few other random things.

I brought the conversation back to the start, w/ him asking me if I called him.

I told him I had a terrible day at work over the weekend and called him because he always gives sound advice to me on work issues and I just wanted his insight [wanted to speak his love language of WOA] he was silent after I said that...So then I went on to then make my self look strong by simply saying I handled what happened on the shift awesomely and the meeting ended up being positive (that's a 180 for me would've went over all the negatives).

Then we ended the conversation. He said he'll be calling again soon, I assume for more D talk???

I was actually in a great mood after getting off of the phone with him. The last few times we talked I felt like "eh..." after, no emotion toward it....and actually kind of wishing he didn't call. This time I kind of felt like you feel when you get off of the phone talking to the person you have a crush on in highschool. lol I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad...b/c nothing in our conversation should make me feel that way. I'm a weird one.