I'm back and Discouraged

[sage]

Laney -- Hey there!

I'm happy to see you back but sorry it's because you've hit some roadblocks...

Certainly the "2nd baby or not" question is biggie and I'd imagine it could present an issue even in m's that have been smooth sailing (ha! don't know too many of those!). I'm not sure I'm full of advice on that right now (I will be, eventually ) but just wanted to offer the support of saying "that's a toughie".

You mention still not feeling like you can talk about the big stuff with h. h and I are still learning every day about that and it's HARD! What I realized (and actually posted this AM!) was that the ability to talk intimately with h isn't JUST about the conversation itself...it's about all the little stuff...are we treating each other kindly in other situations? Are we spending enough time together? What was the aftermath of the last BIG BAD discussion, etc.

Finally...the thing about OW. I think you've done amazingly well in the continued presence of ow (arrgh!). I applaud your h for bringing her up to you (and I applaud you too because your hard work helped get him there!). I think if you reread your post you'll see how some of it may have seemed like "more of the same behavior" to h, right? Maybe use that conversation as a springboard to doing somethings differently next time? it's interesting to me that ow doesn't show up when she thinks you'll be there? What a tremendous way for her to show herself as unreliable, invalidating, etc. Why NOT use that to your advantage? Go where you and h want to go and let her REACT to that.

Have you reread DR lately? Or listened to the KLA tapes? I find that I sometimes need a refresher course. it may really make sense for you to start from step one...get that beginner's mind out...set some goals...etc.

Sage