Hello! 20 year marriage teetering... (part V)

[AnotherStander]

D16 is now D17 I bought her a chocolate truffle cake from Cheesecake Factory, after hauling it to work and to home I had to see how much it weighed, it felt like it had bricks in it. It was 12.6 pounds!! We barely ate a fraction of it, I ended up freezing over half of it. D17 wanted to eat dinner early so she could go to a football game. I invited W, but she couldn't get away from work early enough so it was just me and the kids (and a friend of D17). We went to a hibachi grille, lots of fun and REALLY tasty Then D17 went to the game. I invited W over after the game for the presents and cake. D19 and I decorated while D17 was at the game and when she got home we had the party for her and W joined us. I got D17 several things for her Mustang convertible and she seemed to enjoy the gifts and the whole day.

When I called W to invite her I asked her if she already had separate plans and she said something strange like "I didn't think I was invited so I was going to take her the next day". There's this strange vibe going on that's hard for me to describe, but it's like W thinks I don't want to have anything to do with her. Maybe she's misinterpreting my detachment, I don't know. I don't mind her being a part of stuff like this, but the thing is, I really don't care if she's not part of it either. She can join in, or she can not join in, I don't care.

The next day D17 wanted to go to "trade days" in a town about an hour away. I told her I would take her, but that evening she said W was taking her. I didn't want to invite myself along, so I let it go. Turns out D19 wanted to go too, so D19 and I went together and D17 went with W. I thought it was silly that we didn't all go together, but again it's that strange vibe thing, like it's not that W doesn't want to be around me, but she thinks I don't want to be around her. At some point if the opportunity comes up I'll try and talk with her to clear that up.

Unsurprisingly, that sounds very detached of you. Detachment seems to be the goal for so long, but it has its downsides too.

I agree, I think the biggest downside is that full-on detachment can leave the LBS with no desire to get back with the WAS. We all come here to save our M's, so it's ironic that one of the tools meant to get us there may leave us without the desire for it.

I would have to say something like: "meet me at the Buffalo Wild Wings at 75 & Spring Creek on Saturday at 5 and I'll buy you a beer"

Hopefully this isn't against the rules to talk about, but a lot of the people here are on FB using the same handles as here (with "DB" after the handle) and certainly there it would be easier to coordinate such things

To be honest, I think of "D16" and it seems so old/almost grown up for a D, but my oldest isn't that far off. **shivers**

D19 reminded me recently that early next year she'll no longer be a teen (passes out)

AS, you are in a good place. I like it a lot. The fact that D opened up is a biggie. Girls are often close mouthed at that age.

The times I've tried to talk to her before that she has flat-out said she didn't want to talk about it. I always honored that and now I'm glad I did, because I see now that she just had to get herself ready to discuss it.

S17 doesn't want much to do with his dad either. Still thinks he is a jerk....

That's got to be tough on S17 and on you D10 told me a couple of days ago that he doesn't think W loves him anymore. I assured him that she does, and he asked why she never tells him that then. Wow, I didn't know how to respond. W used to tell him ILY all the time.