So on Wednesday I asked H if anything was going on for the Superbowl. He said that ****** invited us to her SuperBowl party…….(pause) but OW is going to be there. I about flipped, I couldn’t believe he was even telling me. H used to either NOT tell me that an event was happening if he knew OW was there, or if I knew about an event going on already and he knew she was going, he would not want to go. There was even once or twice, where he did want to go to something that was going on, but I think OW would have been there so he tried to not have me go, but it never worked out, cause I always would want to go. Basically he just didn’t want the drama of it. He didn’t want me to get all bent out of shape or whatever, and didn’t want to have to discuss OW.
So that was a definitely a step toward him being more open, and I think he was testing the waters. Well I have wanted to test the waters about OW for a LONG time, but as I said, it was just dropped. So I thought this would be a great opportunity. So in response I said “So, is that a problem?” H said “for you it is” I said “I didn’t say for me or ask for me, I’m asking if it is for you” H said “no, but for you it is” and he walked downstairs.
Well, I went down and said, “So how are things with you and OW” and he said “what do you mean” and I said “are you guys like friends or just mostly VB teammates?” H said “VB teammates” I asked “so what do you mean? Your just mostly teammates?” I guess the use of the word “mostly” made H think I was accusing him of more. He immediately put the wall up got mad and didn’t want to talk anymore. I tried defending myself that I wasn’t that I just wanted to feel things out and see, maybe it was possible I could attend an event she was at, but I was trying to feel out how things were with them. Anyway the more I talked the more upset he got, so instead of my old ways of pursing the discussion I went upstairs. So I don’t think we will be going.
So it was a good thing and bad. Good that he felt he could tell me she was going to be there, but bad that we can’t even discuss it. I don’t know I’m just so frustrated right now and feel so far away from H again. It’s driving me crazy and I hate having these doubts.
Anyway I guess I just had to get this all out, because there is no one I can really talk to about this. So I guess I feel a little better.
So glad to see so many people here in piecing. I know there can be success. I do think my H and I succeeded to make it through the A without a Divorce. I just sometimes wonder if we had a strong enough foundation to begin with to make it forever. I know I’m a better person and I have grown SOOO much through this experience and I ‘m thankful for that.
